Fractious by Carrie Lynn Barker Read Free Book Online

barn and dragged the mule out by his heels. Outside, whether out of spite or by
accident, Fractious the mule blew snot at me again, coating my shirt once more. I sighed and
used his tufted tail to wipe the snot away.
    "Do that again," I told the mule, "and I'll make you wear this shirt." I pointed my
forefinger at his black rimmed nose. "Got it?"
    Fractious the mule brayed curtly, getting the message.
    "Now, where's Cu?"
    Fractious the mule flipped his tail. He obviously didn't know.
    I stepped out into the town, pausing only to take a quick drink from a horse trough that
stood outside one of the hundred or so bars that dominated the town. Fractious the mule put his
nose down into the same horse trough beside me but I didn't care much that I had to share. I had
eaten the bread last night but it had barely made a meal. Maybe it was a good meal for a member
of the Tuatha Dé, but it made a measly mouthful for me. I was hungry. And I still had my
wicket with its image of Tom Cruise on one side and a fitting dodo bird on the other. I wondered
what I could get with it.
    I knelt down and stuck my head inside the small door of the nearest bar. There weren't
any people outside to beg a beer off of, but there were plenty of people inside the bar, already
drinking and becoming merry. I wished I was merry.
    "Any food to spare?" I said, my head stuffed inside the doorway.
    A baker's dozen folks stopped what they were doing and looked my way.
    "Get out, giant!" a woman yelled.
    I realized that I hadn't seen any women yet and should have wondered earlier about such
a thing. People needed women to reproduce but I had thought little about it. I suddenly longed
for a woman of my own to reproduce with, but then I shook my head. Hunger was my priority.
Not sex.
    Ooohh, sex....
    Fractious the mule brayed at my heels and knocked his head against my ass. I found this
rather funny and began to laugh but got control of myself long enough to realize that the big
breasted little person and all her friends were staring at me, wondering why I was laughing since
they couldn't see around my big head at the mule bumping my butt.
    "Food," I said simply.
    A man chucked a loaf of bread at my head. The bread struck my smack between the
eyes, leaving crumbs in its wake. I muttered a thanks and withdrew my head from the
doorway.
    Sitting back by the barn with Fractious the mule, who was looking longingly at my
bread, I nibbled at said bread. At least it was tasty. I half expected Napoleonic era weevils to
come maggotting their way out of the bread at me, but the bread was clean and fresh. The crust
crackled and steam escaped from the hot loaf when I broke it in half. I made the loaf last, but
gave a little bit to the mule, wondering why he didn't go chop at some of the green grass that
grew around the back of the barn. Apparently the bread tasted better than grass for he just sat on
his haunches before me and drooled.
    Cu came sauntering out of the nearby inn an hour after I'd finished my bread. I was
attempting to teach Fractious the mule how to play Tic-Tac-Toe on a game board scratched out
in the dirt. He just wasn't getting the hang of it. I was about ready to give up the attempt when
my Tuatha Dé guide appeared. Cu was drinking down the last of a pint of beer and eating
the last of what appeared to be a hamburger with all the trimmings when he reached me. I found
myself drooling into Fractious the mule's already significant drool puddle, which had been
muddying up our Tic-Tac-Toe game. How the hell do you stop a mule from drooling,
anyway?
    "How come you get beef but I only get bread?" I said, getting to my feet.
    "You have to ask?" Cu said.
    "I just did so I guess so."
    "'Cause giant idiots only get bread. Now pack up Fractious and let's get moving. Today
we'll probably reach the dragon's lair and I want to make sure we can pick up a sword."
    My jaw struck the ground. "A sword?" I said. "What are we going to do with a
sword?"
    "Fighting the dragon, of