Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life by Jason Goodwin Read Free Book Online

where to start.
    _____ 9. I have picked up some reading
materials on overcoming addictions and am studying them.
    _____ 10. I have attended AA/NA/Celebrate
Recovery meetings or begun counseling/rehabilitation for my
drug/alcohol issues.
    _____ 11. I hear what they’re saying, but I’m
still not sure I want to quit. I haven’t found a better way to cope
with my negative feelings than using drugs or alcohol.
    _____ 12. I am learning that there are better
ways of coping with negative feelings than using drugs or alcohol
and I am learning those techniques.
    _____ 13. I am beginning to use these better
ways of coping with my problems, including exercise, journaling,
deep relaxation, talking about my feelings, going to
AA/NA/Celebrate Recovery meetings, prayer, talking to my sponsor
when I feel like drinking or using, etc…
    _____ 14. I feel that I really want to stay
sober and improve my life.
    _____ 15. I am beginning to see the positive
effects of sobriety on my mood, my willingness to take
responsibility, my self-care, my self-esteem, my relationships, and
the overall quality of my life.
    _____ 16. I am motivated to continue to do
whatever it takes to stay sober, because I know from other
recovering addicts that my life will continue to improve as long as
I continue to work my recovery program.
     
     
     

Chapter 5 – Sexual Addiction
    “Sexuality is colored by our emotions and
experiences.”
    -Jason Goodwin
    Survivors of sexual abuse often develop
sexually addictive behaviors. Sex addicts hire prostitutes,
compulsively view pornography, or seek out shallow, sexual
encounters. I used to believe that engaging in these addictive
behaviors might somehow cathartically help me to release my issues.
But in truth, those behaviors only caused me greater shame.
    Sex is a highly personal, emotionally charged
act. Most of us experience intense feelings during lovemaking.
Sexuality can be like a beautiful flower, blooming in wonder and
magnificence. But when a flower is open to the sun, it is also
vulnerable to the storm.
    Opening our hearts can lead to great pain.
Trusting others means taking a risk. Sometimes people will love us
deeply and enrich our lives. Other times, they will abuse us or
betray us.
    Most of us feel vulnerable during the sexual
act, whether it’s with someone we love or someone who is abusing
us. Sexuality is colored by our emotions and experiences. As
humans, I believe that sex is the closest we can come to the act of
creation. For that reason, sexuality is one of our most cherished
gifts. When sex is violent, abusive, or forced on an unwilling
participant, it is a violation of something we hold very dear.
    When someone wants to hurt us, they desecrate
what we cherish most. Some abusers threaten to hurt us or our
families in an attempt to force us to commit acts that are against
our will or our morals.
    Some of us react to the trauma of sexual
abuse by identifying with the abuser. We want the kind of power the
abuser seemed to feel when he/she sexually abused us. Later in
life, we feel drawn to sexual situations that make us feel powerful
and in control. We may even engage in behavior that involves
degrading or humiliating a partner sexually.
    Others react to the trauma of sexual abuse by
becoming the victim. We convince ourselves that we deserved to be
abused. We come to believe that we exist only for the gratification
of others. We choose partners who victimize us, humiliate us, and
exploit us. This pattern leads some survivors into lifestyles of
prostitution, stripping, or pornography.
    It is difficult to explain the pain of sexual
abuse to someone who was never abused in this way. “What’s the big
deal?” they ask. “It’s only sex.”
    Sometimes family members wish we would just
“get over it.” Others try to blame us for the abuse because we were
acting too seductively, flirting with an abuser, or because we
never told anyone about it. But the truth is that most of us never
had the power, as