Heal The Abuse - Recover Your Life by Jason Goodwin Read Free Book Online Page A

children or adults, to prevent what was happening
to us.
    Healthy sexuality is a bigger part of our
identity than many of us realize. People who were sexually abused
often react with an enormous amount of physical, sexual, emotional,
and spiritual pain.
    I believe that we feel proud of our ability
to create life. Our abusers attempted to distort this beautiful
gift and turn it into a cruel weapon. Some of us began to fear sex.
We learned that sex can be an explosion of rage rather than an
expression of love. We learned how sex can become an addiction,
used only for self-gratification or power.
    After having been sexually abused, our
beliefs about sexuality can change for the worse. Some of us
learned to imitate our abusers by separating the sexual act from
love. We learned to meet our own sexual needs at the expense of
others. We began to use sex as a medication to change the way we
felt. We began to see others as sexual objects instead of the human
beings they truly are.
    In the end, we wound up abusing ourselves.
Many of us subjected ourselves to sexually abusive situations and
relationships without even realizing it.
    As survivors of sexual abuse, it is essential
to unlearn whatever negative things we came to believe about sex.
We must challenge every act of cruelty that was perpetrated upon
us. Sex is only fulfilling when it is mutually respectful and done
out of love. Healthy sex was meant to be an equal exchange, without
one person gaining power or control over the other. Sex should
always be consensual or it is abuse.
    Human beings are not sexual objects. We are
made of light and love. None of us deserve to be abused.
    When we lose ourselves in sexual addiction,
we are lost in the values and beliefs of our abusers. Acting out
sexually cannot lead us to greater health or happiness. When we
continue to engage in sexually addictive behaviors, we continue to
degrade and devalue both ourselves and others.
    As sex addicts, we often develop shallow,
hyper-sexual relationships because we want to avoid true intimacy.
We use others for sex, and encourage them to use us in the same
way.
    Sexual addiction can make loving
relationships impossible. Substituting sex for love can actually
prevent us from ever getting the love we truly need.
    Addictive sex is not love, and sexually
addictive relationships are not about love. As sex addicts, we may
experience a lot of sexual pleasure, but are often starving for the
love we truly need.
    Sexual addiction can destroy love. When one
partner cheats on another, the trust in that relationship is often
destroyed. If one partner acts out his/her addiction to
prostitution or pornography, he/she can grow distant and lost in
their addiction. The partner of a sex addict may also begin to grow
emotionally and sexually distant.
    Sexual addiction is disdainful of love. As
our addiction progresses, we begin to see others as sexual objects
or drugs we can use to get high. Sexual addiction reduces a human
being to an object of desire. Over time, we feel increasingly
guilty and ashamed of our behavior.
    Actions speak louder than words. We will only
feel better about ourselves when we abstain from addiction. We must
allow our feelings to happen instead of medicating them with sex.
It’s time to examine and challenge any unhealthy beliefs we still
hold. In doing so, we begin to regain our true selves, our
integrity, and our fidelity.
     
    Personal Journal Entries
    Entry#1: Acting Out Sexually
    In the past, I felt attracted to partners who
had been sexually abused because they were struggling with the same
issues that I was.
    On some level, I felt that I was reliving the
abuse every time I had sex with another survivor. I realize now
that I often mistook feelings of fear, terror, and trauma for
sexual excitement and lust. My whole body would shake. It felt as
if we were on the same wavelength, re-experiencing the abuse.
    That kind of sex wasn’t healthy, but it was a
big rush. For some reason, it felt very