I Love You, Always by Natalie Ward Read Free Book Online

through everything. I turn to the machine she is connected to and see a flat line. A green flat line that is moving in time with the piercing noise.
    It is the worst noise in the world to me. It’s piercing a hole right through my fucking heart. I step towards her without thinking, grab her hand and bring it to my lips.
    Please Asha, please beautiful.
    I’m pulled away from her, pushed back into the corner where I can’t touch her anymore. Her ring comes off in my hands as I’m forced to let her go and I slide it on to my finger, keeping it safe for her. Keeping it for when she comes back to me. She needs to come back to me.
    Please Asha, please.
    I watch as they push a different machine towards her now. As someone rubs two paddles together and then places them on her chest.
    “CLEAR!”
    Oh God, oh fuck…no, no, no, no, fuck, please no.
    Ash’s body arches up off the bed and then flops back down. Everyone turns to the machine but I keep my eyes on her.
    Please Asha, please come back to me.
    “CLEAR!”
    It happens again. Her body arching up, before it flops down with a thud.
    And again.
    Thud.
    And again.
    Thud.
    I can’t bear it, I can’t watch it, I can’t do this, I can’t, I can’t.
    I can’t fucking live without her. Please, please.
    Asha, please, please come back to me. Please.
    “CLEAR!”
    Her body arches once more, but this time I hear it.
    Beep, beep, beep .
    They are slow, but they’re there.
    “Okay, she’s back,” someone says.
    “Is she alive?”
    “We’ve got to get her up to surgery.”
    “Is she alive?”
    “Let’s hang three more units, pack this and page surgery, tell them we’re on our way.”
    “IS SHE ALIVE?”
    I suddenly realise it’s me who’s screaming these words and someone turns towards me. A woman, her face is kind as she says to me, “She’s back with us, but we need to take her for surgery. Wait down here and someone will come and speak with you.”
    I feel hands pushing me out of the room, but I don’t want to leave her. “No, please, I have to stay with her.”
    “Sir, please come with me, let them take her to surgery.”
    I’m pulled from the room, away from her. I feel numb, cold, like the world is moving around me and I’m not a part of it anymore. I’m empty and the only thing that can make me whole again is gone. She is gone. I need to get her back. I need her.
    Asha, please come back to me.
    I walk through some doors and I’m engulfed in a pair of arms. Mia. I feel someone squeeze my shoulder and I look up and see Jared. He’s looking at me with so much sympathy on his face it makes my chest hurt. He knows how I feel about Ash, how much I love her. He’s had to live through months of me wanting her and then months of me having her. And he never once complained. Never once told me to shut up or asked me, or her, to leave. He just let us be together, let her live there with us. He puts up with all of my shit, he always has and he’s always been there for me.
    Arms are pulling me in every direction, every direction but the one I want to go in. Ash has gone one way and I’m forced to go the other. Someone pushes me into a chair. I lower my head into my hands but notice they are covered in blood.
    Her blood.
    It’s all over my hands.
    It’s everywhere.
    Her blood.
    There are tears falling into my hands now and I don’t care anymore. I bury my face in her blood, trying to wash it all away.
    Asha, please, please come back to me.
    “Luke,” I hear Jared say. “Are you alright?” I don’t even look up , just shake my head . How can I possibly be okay right now? “Are you hurt?” he asks, his voice lower. Yes I’m hurt, my fucking heart has broken and I have no idea if I’m going to be able to fix it. No fucking idea.
    “He’s not,” I hear Mia whisper. “It’s Ash’s blood.”
    Just the sound of her name has me moaning, agonising pain spreading throughout me. How is it possible to hurt this much and still be alive? Maybe I’m not,