I Love You, Always by Natalie Ward Read Free Book Online Page A

maybe this is all a dream or a nightmare or what hell feels like. Because I can’t possibly be some place good right now. It just isn’t possible.
    I don’t know how long I sit here for. I don’t move. I’m frozen in place because the one place I want to be, the one person I want to be with, is gone. I’m vaguely aware of somebody cleaning my hands, my face. I think it’s Mia. My shirt is removed. The same shirt Ash lifted off me only hours ago. I wonder if she will ever do that again.
    Hands touch me as they clean the blood from my skin. I wonder if she will ever touch me again. I wonder if I will ever touch her again. A heavy weight finds its way in to my chest at the idea that my fingers will never touch her skin, that my lips will never kiss hers.
    Someone touches my chest, her tattoo, and I flinch away. She was the last person to do that to me and I need to hang on to that.
    Don’t touch it; it’s for her.
    “Shhh, Luke, it’s okay.” Another shirt is pulled down over my face, scratching my skin.
    I give up now as I bury my face in my hands again and wait, beg.
    Asha, please, please come back to me.

Track 6 (A side) – Waiting
    You walked into my life
    And it struck me so hard
    Like a bolt from the blue
    I never even realised I’d been waiting for you
    ∞

    “Luke,” someone says to me in a way that demands my attention.
    My head snaps up and I see a doctor walking towards me. He’s wearing scrubs, a cap on his head, and a face that I can’t read. I force myself to stand up. I’m shaking, but somebody grabs my hand and squeezes it, hard.
    “Luke Taylor?” the man says to me.
    “Yes.” My voice shakes like the rest of me. My hand is squeezed again and I glance down and see it’s Mia.
    “Asha, she lost a lot of blood tonight. And then, as you know, her heart stopped while we were in the ER.”
    I feel myself falter at his words.
    Heart stopped.
    “We got her back and she stayed with us this time, but the bullet was lodged in her spleen, which we’ve had to remove.”
    “Is she alive?” I hear myself ask.
    “Yes, but…”
    I don’t hear what else he says as I find myself sitting in the chair again. My face is once more buried in my hands. My body feels like it’s collapsing, weighed down with the relief that’s suddenly surging through me. I can feel Mia holding me, whispering something to me, but I’m not listening to her.
    She is alive. Alive.
    Alive.
    ALIVE.
    My head snaps up. “Can I see her?”
    This guy smiles at me now, and a tiny bit of that weight lifts. “She’s in recovery at the moment, but in about an hour I’ll have someone take you up to see her. She lost a lot of blood and the bullet only just missed her liver, but she’s going to be okay, Luke.”
    I can only nod as I’m forced to sit through the longest hour of my life.
    Eventually someone comes to get me. As I stand, I feel Mia wrap her arms around me in a tight hug. “We’ll come back in a couple of hours, okay?”
    I nod, my head buried against my sister’s shoulder as she comforts me, reminding me of what it was like when we were younger. “Luke?” Mia says, pushing me back. “You okay?” I nod again, not trusting myself to speak right now. “Say something, please.”
    I blink at her, trying to work out what she wants to hear, what she expects me to say. How can I possibly be okay right now, how can I possibly be anything except hurting? Mia is still looking at me and I can tell she wants me to say something, anything. She used to get like this when we were kids, always talking to fill the empty silence, wanting me to reassure her I was okay. I don’t know why I didn’t say anything; maybe because I knew most of what I would have to say were lies. I never wanted to lie to her. And we weren’t ever okay back then, putting up with all of the shit our father forced us to put up with. And I’m not okay now, not even close.
    “Luke, she’s going to be okay,” she finally says. “Ash is going to be