In Loco Parentis by Nigel Bird Read Free Book Online

side.
    Pulling Maxine up, I get to witness their dancing in the middle of the room. Mostly it seems to be about shaking the hips and making sure they don’t overbalance.
    Every so often they come together and shout into each others’ ears.
    Sometimes they kiss each other like they’re long lost buddies reunited.
    Between songs I look at them and smile to remind them that I’m there.
    It just carries on like that.
    They’re hammered.
    When they both reach down to me and take my hand, I feel I have no choice.
    Up I get and I’m dancing, cutting my funky strut.
    We hold hands for a while.
    Next I’m dancing with Emma and after that with Maxine and then we’re in a circle again.
    Each time I dance with Emma is longer than the time before.
    The music ends and we need a new CD.
    It’s a relief to have peace and quiet.
    â€œIsn’t he lovely,” Maxine says. “Such a lovely bloke.” Her face looks like it’s made out of melting candle wax the way it’s following gravity. The corners of her mouth point down and her eyes look like they’ve been switched off from the inside.
    â€œYummy,” Emma says. They both start rubbing my back. The pain is practically physical.
    â€œGiz a kiss.” Maxine says.
    Not even at the beginning of the evening when she looked entirely human would I have given her the kiss she’s asking for. She’s Wolf’s wife for pity’s sake.
    â€œGo on,” she says, falling off balance, “Giz a snog.”
    Both of them giggle. They’re either taking the piss or are having the time of their lives.
    Moving in quick, I peck her on the cheek, slide to the right and get her in a grip that’s half cuddle, half wrestling hold. It keeps our faces as far apart as I can manage.
    â€œMe too,” Emma says and while her friend is blind-sided, gives me a long smooch.
    â€œI need to pee,” Maxine says and I let her go. She waddles like a duck to the door and soon as she’s gone Emma closes it tight.
    Back against the door, she beckons me over with a come-on finger. I step closer. Just as I get there an enormous grin forms at her mouth. There’s a quick burst of noise as her press-studs are pulled open and, when her shirt is flung apart, she reveals those tiny, naked breasts.
    She’s just performed a fantasy I’ve never articulated to anyone in my life.
    In that moment I’ve changed from someone who can’t wait to get away to someone who really needs to stick around.
    My hands find their home straight away. My lips too. It feels like it’s always been this way.
    Two hours I had to endure before Maxine finally gave up the ghost.
    It was like we were playing a game of chicken.
    There’s only one thing on my mind. Soon as we’re alone we’re peeling off the essentials and she’s mounted me in the dark.
    When I’m inside it’s as if a bubble has burst. A magic spell reversed.
    Pump away as she might, it’s doing nothing for me.
    We’re clumsy. Cold. Trying too hard.
    Just as we find a rhythm of our own, the front door bangs shut.
    Heavy footsteps head in our direction.
    It’s Wolf in from his shift.
    Emma’s off into the kitchen to dress.
    I zip up quick. Lie back and try to look casual.
    â€œJC,” he says with his usual gusto. We lock thumbs and fingers. “Skin up man.”
    â€œBusy night?”
    He pulls the ring on a Special Brew and sups down a good half of the can. “Bleeding awful,” he says and throws his leather jacket beside me.
    Emma walks in from the kitchen. She’s dressed, at least, but not as carefully as I might have expected.
    â€œAm I interrupting anything?” Wolf asks with a laugh.
    â€œNothing special,” I say.
    Emma goes over and sits on his knee. “What are you suggesting Mr Wolf?”
    â€œSkin up,” he says and I get to work, knowing already that I’ll still be awake to greet the