Let Me Tell You Something by Caroline Manzo Read Free Book Online

year. How can I bring up her bad cooking without causing conflict with my husband?
    Sorry, I’m with your husband. Your mother-in-law can’t cook? So what? It’s just one day a year, and it’s clearly important to her, and to your husband. The holidays are about so much more than the food.
    However, if you have a good relationship with his mom, you could offer to get there early and help, and make it seem like something fun that you’d like to do with her. You could also offer to bring some dishes with you as additions to the meal. But if any of these suggestions cause insult or hurt to your mother-in-law, drop them immediately.
    Bottom line is this: it’s only one day a year. It’s not going to kill you. Look at the bigger picture and deal with it.
    Big families are tough,
and I haven’t even begun
to figure them out.
    My family is insane, and I love it. Today we are eleven middle-aged adults with lives of our own, but in many ways, we are still the same kids we always were, and things are still as complex and strange as ever.
    I marvel at how each one of us has had such a unique experience growing up in the very same household. It’s amazing how differently we perceive our childhoods. There were eleven kids in one house, but if you talk to each of us, you’ll get eleven different versions of our upbringing. Quite often, when we get together and start reminiscing, it won’t be long before we get to bickering! “Are you nuts?” someone will say. “That’s not how it was!”
    My parents were very strict and we had to do our own work around the house. The brothers had to take care of the outside of the house—painting, yard work, construction—and the girls had to take care of the inside. And one of my sisters talks about it as if we were slaves. If you ask me or some other sisters, we remember it as fun, that we enjoyed all hanging out and doing our chores together. When I was sixteen, we moved to a gorgeous mansion on a lake with thirty-five rooms. We grew up in an 18,000-square-foot home with an amazing pool. We lived a very nice life and were in no way servants. But as I’ve learned, that’s just my view of things, and that doesn’t make it the absolute truth!
    I look at my own three kids, who were raised in the same house with the same parents. Their values are the same, but they’re completely unique people. That’s what I learned from being in a big family: that you’ll share core beliefs, but everyone is an individual. I’m thankful for that lesson. From a young age I became accustomed to accepting different opinions and different behaviors, and it’s a skill that has served me well throughout my life. My siblings range nineteen years in age, from forty to fifty-nine. So many different thoughts and perspectives in the same house.
    Ask Caroline
    Caroline, as a member of a huge family I need your help! I’m visiting my boyfriend’s family for the first time. He is one of ten kids, ranging from twelve to twenty-eight years old. My mother taught me to never turn up empty-handed, but how do I bring something that appeals to everyone? And do I bring a separate hostess gift for the mother? Help!
    I agree with your mom, but you’re taking it to an unnecessary level. You are in no way obligated to bring gifts for the whole family, and I’d be willing to bet that nobody expects you to.
    A bouquet of flowers, a favorite cake or cookies, or something thoughtful like that are more than adequate as a hostess gift. Anything more than that will likely make your boyfriend and his family uncomfortable.
    It was never calm in our house. You’d have a war with one sister and another would become your ally. The next week, the roles would reverse. It kept me nimble, and it really taught me never to hold a grudge with family. I learned the skills of negotiating, of fighting right and of making peace. I had to find my way