Lettuces and Cream by John Evans Read Free Book Online Page A

beckoned for Mike and Jan. It was a time of day that nearly always caused Jan a touch of anxiety. The bedroom was where she would be in close contact with Mike, which in turn brought her inner uncertainties into focus. She didn’t want to think about them-they would, she thought, never be resolved. And except on very rare occasions, she dreaded the idea of Mike wanting sex - she preferred to call it love making. It wasn’t that physically the act was a horror, he wasn’t rough or inconsiderate, quite the opposite in fact.
    The problem was in Jan’s brain. She felt that she was performing and somehow being judged. She had a deep and caring concern – love, for Mike, which made her self generated anguish over her conflicting ideas about lovemaking all the more, well,confusing. Perhaps it was little wonder she was so perplexed. Brought up on a diet of romantic films and stories – the old Cinderella syndrome, in which girl meets Prince,fall in love, marry, and everyone lives happily ever after. And her misconception,always stronger after meeting someone slim, like Chris, that her own body was grossly imperfect further damped her interest in intimate physical contact.
    Their everyday day life together and with the children was happy and friendly and it seemed to Jan, that sex was a threat to this. She sometimes worried that Mike, with his questioning ideas on love, sex and marriage would eventually leave her for another women. An idea which cut her to the quick, yet did nothing to change her nature. Complicated indeed. Because she didn’t see the point of sex with Mike unless she enjoyed it, got as much satisfaction as she did when pleasing and controlling her own fulfilment. She had once made a promise to herself that she would be a good wife and refrain from private activity, but promises to ones self are so very easy to break. True, since their ‘adventures’ Mike had learned something of her needs so she was free to stimulate and satisfy herself when love making with Mike. And he was quite happy about it. If she was content then so was he. But all too often she would think to herself what is the point of that; I can do that on my own. Why can’t I be normal, like other women?
    Whatever confusion there was between them, to Mike, marriage, and love, meant sex. Isn’t that why they married, in case Jan got pregnant? In any event, people have many facets to their personalities and present themselves in different ways to different people, and in various situations. For all Jan knew Chris and Keith might also have less than perfect lives - and secrets…
    ‘God this bedroom is cold. What’s it going to be like in winter, Jan?’
    ‘Well, for the time being, until the alterations are done, we could get some cheap carpet and when I’ve got time I’ll make some curtains. That would make it a bit warmer,’ Jan suggested, as practical as ever.
    ‘Doesn’t seem much point in having curtains out here does it? There’s no one to look in anyway.
    ‘That’s true, and anyway, it’s nice seeing the stars when we’re in bed, instead of street lights.’
    Mike was already in bed, and watching Jan undress. After many years of marriage he was still enthralled by those sensual and subtle feminine movements of hands and limbs as the coverings were removed. Or indeed when dressing, and he was always amused by the way in which she adjusted her breasts into a comfortable position when putting on her bra. It’s interesting to think that usually ones own body is, just a body, but to someone else it can be an object of allurement and pleasure. As he watched he recalled their unexpected visitors, especially Chris. She had brought back memories of those ‘adventures.’ Good God, they had only been here for five minutes and he was already thinking about possible play pals. Though in truth he doubted that either of them would ever want to get involved in that way again, it was too complicated, too dangerous. After all, it was only a