Nanny Piggins and the Pursuit of Justice by R. A. Spratt Read Free Book Online

give you no alternatives and make you do the worst job available.’
    ‘Talking to old people doesn’t sound that bad,’ said Samantha.
    ‘No, you wouldn’t think so, would you?’ agreed the probation officer. ‘But I sent five people down to the retirement home last week and they all came away crying. Three of them opted to go to jail rather than complete their community service.’
    ‘Hmm,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Give me the address. I’m sure the old people can’t be that difficult. If I can’t placate them with my cake baking, I do still have the Howitzer I borrowed from the war museum. I can always try threatening them.’

    Forty minutes later, Nanny Piggins, Boris and the children arrived at the old people’s home.
    ‘Are you nervous?’ asked Michael.
    ‘Not at all,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Sure, old people can be crotchety. And when you help yourself to their boiled lollies they can yell at you for hours while trying to hit you with their walking sticks. But on the bright side, you can always outrun them.’
    With that she stepped forward and pressed the doorbell. They then waited for a minute before it became clear that no-one was coming to answer the door. Nanny Piggins pressed the doorbell again and yelled, ‘Yoo-hoo, is anyone home? I’m the court-appointed criminal who is being forced to help you!’
    But again no-one answered.
    ‘Does this mean we can go home?’ asked Boris.
    ‘We’ve only been here for 75 seconds,’ saidNanny Piggins. ‘If we went home now it would take me two thousand years to get through my community service. We’d better just let ourselves in.’
    So Nanny Piggins kicked in the front door (entirely knocking it off its hinges) and they all walked inside.
    ‘What is that odour?’ asked Nanny Piggins as she sniffed about. ‘It smells like someone is growing mushrooms in here.’
    ‘And why is it so warm?’ asked Boris. ‘Is this a nursing home for old people who want to pretend they’re living in the tropics?’
    ‘I think old people like things to be warm,’ explained Samantha. ‘It’s got something to do with them having bad circulation.’
    ‘Packing them into a mouldy sauna isn’t going to help that,’ said Nanny Piggins, throwing open a few windows to let in the fresh air. ‘The only way to improve circulation is by circulating, preferably down the road to the bakery. A couple of dozen chocolate brownies always get my blood flowing.’
    Just then a cleaning woman edged backwards into the room, wiping the floor with a mop.
    ‘Hello,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I’m Nanny Piggins.’
    ‘I don’t speak English,’ said the cleaning woman in perfect English.
    ‘What?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘I only speak Chinese,’ said the cleaning woman.
    ‘Really?’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘You don’t look Chinese.’
    ‘All right,’ said the cleaning woman. ‘I only speak Portuguese.’
    ‘ Onde fica o grande gerente ?’ asked Nanny Piggins (which is how you say ‘Where is the big boss?’ in Portuguese).
    ‘I’m also a deaf mute,’ said the cleaning woman.
    ‘You don’t have to feel threatened by me,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I’ve just been sent by my probation officer as part of my community service.’
    ‘Oooh,’ said the cleaning woman, ‘so you’re today’s convict. Sorry, I thought you were from the health department. And I’ve been given strict instructions not to tell them where we buy our cleaning products.’
    ‘Where do you buy your cleaning products?’ asked Samantha.
    ‘I can’t tell you,’ said the cleaning woman. ‘Once you know you have to pretend you can only speak Chinese.’
    ‘Who’s in charge here?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Some up-and-coming 29-year-old investment analyst from a big merchant bank in town,’ said the cleaning woman.
    ‘Where is he?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Not here,’ said the cleaning woman. ‘He doesn’t like the smell of old people. Besides, it’s a different up-and-coming