Love's Haven by Catherine Palmer Read Free Book Online Page A

“Todd would like that.”
     
    For the next three days, the hospital became the whole world as Mara adjusted to motherhood while little Abby got used to life outside the womb. Neither transition was easy. Mara’s milk did begin to flow, but it took Abby quite a while to figure out how to nurse effectively. In the meantime, Mara grew tender and sore, and she seemed to have either too much or not enough milk.
    The hospital room itself was pleasant enough, pale blue walls with a pastel border around the ceiling. A window looked out on the streets of Las Cruces, placid and cold for the Thanksgiving holiday. A clean bathroom provided a warm shower. A sofa catered to the guests who came to visit—her pastor and his wife, neighbors from the apartment complex, Mara’s former coworkers at the private academy where she had taught some years earlier, members of her Bible study group. Bouquets of pink carnations and white roses jostled for space on the wall shelf, while boxes of tiny ruffled dresses gathered in a corner. Mara couldn’t imagine her baby getting big enough to wear them.
    Little Abby hated bath time and diaper changes, and Mara wasn’t crazy about them, either. Her stitches and tired body made movement difficult, though she spent a good bit of time walking the floors of the neonatal unit. She showered and changed into a gown Brock brought in a suitcase, and once or twice she almost felt normal again. Then she would begin to ache or her chair would require a doughnut-shaped cushion, and Mara remembered that she had changed forever.
    Her entire life felt new, different, and in some ways, unpleasant. When Sherry had arrived breathless and apologetic an hour too late for the delivery, Mara was basking in the afterglow of Abby’s birth. But two days later when her friend breezed into the room with a meal of leftover turkey, a spoonful of stuffing and a bowl of cranberry sauce, Mara stared at the paper plate as if it were the saddest thing she’d ever seen.
    “I’m married to him,” she said. “Brock Barnett.”
    Sherry set the plate on the rolling tray and perched on the edge of Mara’s bed. Her dark brown eyes sparkled as she waved a hand in dismissal. “Not that I would know—since I’ve never strapped the bonds of matrimony andmotherhood around my own neck—but I’d guess it’s just your hormones talking, Mara. You’ve heard about the baby blues? You know, post-partum depression? They say you feel sad for no reason at all.”
    “No reason! Sherry, I’m a widow who married a man I don’t even like.”
    “You like Brock.”
    “How could I? Thanks to him, I don’t have a husband.”
    “Brock is your husband,” Sherry countered firmly, “and you do like him. When Todd was alive, you got along with Brock.”
    “I tolerated him. He’s so self-assured and smug. Like he’s king of the world. Strutting around in those jeans and boots. Driving a fancy car. Trying to buy off his guilt. I don’t know…he’s just so cocky.”
    “Who wouldn’t be? Brock Barnett is rich and handsome and educated and successful—”
    “Please, Sherry!” Mara groaned. “Spare me the buildup. He’s been so unbearably nice these past few days. It’s almost sickening. He packed all my stuff and moved me out of the apartment. He brought over lotion and shampoo and a new box of talcum powder. Expensive, designer-brand talcum powder, Sherry. He’s bought Abby everything from diapers to booties to a velvet Christmas dress she’ll probably be too big to wear by December. This morning it hit me that I was actually looking forward to seeing him walk through the door. You’re right. I don’t hate him as much as I should. And I hate myself for that.”
    “Let it go, Mara.”
    “I’m trying. But when I look into Abby’s eyes, all I can think about is Todd. He was so excited about the pregnancy. He couldn’t wait to be a father. He talked about holding her and teaching her things, you know? Three months of my morning