Maggie Malone Gets the Royal Treatment by Jenna McCarthy Read Free Book Online

must hurry.”
    Princess Penelope is another of Mimi’s cousins. She’s not all over every magazine like Mimi and her cousin Clementine, so I don’t know much about her. What I do know is it’ll be great to have a friend my age to hang out with today.
    Amelia hands me one of those slips like Granny Malone wears. The ladies turn their backs as I drop my towel and pull on the slip before stepping into the big fat baby dress.
    I start in on those buttons, which is sort of hard to do because they’re behind me and all, so I’m all twisted up like a pretzel.
    â€œPrincess Mimi, please ,” Amelia says, pushing my hands away. “Buttoning buttons is not the work of a princess.”
    Sweet Fanny Adams, what can princesses do for themselves? I hope I’m allowed to wipe my own royal heinie!
    Seven hundred buttons later, Amelia guides me toward the vanity chair and begins brushing my hair out with a fancy silver brush. It’s not looking half bad so I’m hoping she’ll just let it be, but she takes the whole mess of it into one hand, twists it into the tightest knot possible, and begins pinning it to the nape of my neck. When she’s done, I look like an alien.
    â€œTake. Me. To. Your. Leader,” I croak in my best alien-robot voice.
    â€œI beg your pardon ?” Amelia asks, looking a little Martian herself with her eyes bugging out like that.
    â€œOh, it was a…I was just…” I say. “Never mind.”
    Amelia shakes her head, confused. She dusts my cheeks with powder and sweeps some clear lip gloss on my lips—big whoop de do—and then whisks me down the hall. She knocks sharply on a door, and out comes Princess Penelope. She’s wearing a tight little smile and the exact same alien hairdo and baby dress as me.
    â€œGood Morning, Mimi,” she purrs. “You look ever so lovely today.”
    â€œOh, you know, thanks…” I stammer, looking down. Who’s she kidding? We both look ridiculous. But I figure I should play along. “And so do you, er, Penny.” If she calls me Mimi, I should probably call her Penny, right?
    â€œNow, Mimi,” Amelia steps in. “You know Princess Penelope prefers to be called by her given name.”
    â€œPerhaps Princess Mimi has forgotten how our barely royal third cousins Alfred and Arthur taunted me with those horrible nicknames in the country last summer,” Princess Penelope says, narrowing her eyes at me. “It was so long ago. I’m sure she’s forgotten.”
    Gulp.
    â€œUmm, yes,” I say. “I’m very sorry. I completely forgot about that. Nasty little trolls, they are!” Penelope nods, looking at least a little satisfied with me slamming our obviously annoying cousins.
    â€œOkay, ladies,” Amelia urges. “We mustn’t dally. The driver is waiting.” I realize that I have no idea how long we’ll be in that car, and I already need to go the bathroom. Plus I wouldn’t mind having a quick pep talk with Frank. I could use some solid genie advice right now. Somehow I doubt ducking into a Burger Barn is going to be an option.
    â€œAmelia?” I ask. “Would you mind if I run to the potty, if I promise to be super quick?”
    â€œRun to the… potty ?” she asks.
    Buggers! They don’t call it the potty here, do they?
    â€œThe loo, of course,” I say. “I’d like to visit the loo.”
    â€œAre you sure you’re feeling all right this morning, Princess?” Amelia wants to know.
    â€œYes!” I insist. “Positively perfect. Besides having to use the loo, that is . ”
    â€œQuickly, please,” she tells me. “We’re due to arrive at Winfordshire Abbey in less than twenty minutes, and we don’t have a moment to spare.”
    â€œI’ll proceed to the car then, Amelia,” Princess Penelope says. “It is ever so important to respect the schedule of