Once Was Lost by Sara Zarr Read Free Book Online

her at breakfast in the morning in the New Beginnings cafeteria, everyone reacting to the news. And her sitting there, probably the only one who really knows the Shaws, the only one who has put her arms around Jody in a hug.
    Mostly, I couldn’t stop thinking about Nick.
    Not having a brother or sister, I couldn’t imagine how he’d feel. I thought about how he’d been with her at church that morning, teasing but sweet, calling her Jo-Jo. How much they looked alike. Also I kept going over and over that time he asked me to dance at that wedding at the church last spring. An old, slow song buzzed from the speakers that are too small for the huge fellowship hall and we danced and made small talk. At first I kept thinking things like: Why is he asking me to dance when he’s already been with Dorrie for months? It’s because I’m the pastor’s kid. And/ or maybe Vanessa went up to him and said something like, “Sam’s been sitting alone all night. Go ask her to dance.” I decided he simply did it because that’s the kind of nice person he is. Worst case scenario, it was a pity dance, and for someone like me—who’s never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, never even held hands—a pity dance is still appreciated. Being that close to another warm body was… I don’t know. Perfect. I still remember exactly how it felt, Nick’s hands light on my back, like I could break.
    And something about that, even though it happened awhile ago and we’re not what you’d call friends, still makes me feel close to him. Which makes me feel close to this, to what’s happened to Jody. Closer than I’d feel if she weren’t Nick’s sister.
    So I watched the news and thought about him, and then Melinda Ford said that anyone who wanted to help search should meet up at the library at six this morning. Within minutes, my phone rang. It was Erin, saying that she was calling the whole youth group. Anyone who wanted to search should meet her at the library in the morning and we’d do it, we’d look for Jody.
    Which is why my alarm went off at five fifteen.
    I dress, pull my hair into a ponytail, and slip on my hiking sandals, having random fantasies about being the one to find Jody. I picture myself with a big group of searchers, combing the foothills and calling Jody’s name, wandering off a little, on my own. Catching a glimpse of something and going farther away to investigate. Finding her, crouched, alone and scared. She’ll reach out her hand and I’ll sit with her until she feels safe, then I’ll lead her to the other searchers.
    Like Jesus, coming back to the flock with his one lost lamb.
    I go into the bathroom, digging under the sink for a tube of sunscreen, shaking my head at myself for even remotely thinking it could be like that, reminding myself that I don’t even know anymore if I believe those Sunday school stories are true.
    Dad’s not in his room when I check to see if he’s awake. I find him in his small, cluttered study at the end of the hall, staring into space, a cup of coffee on his desk.
    “Did you sleep in here?” I didn’t hear him come in last night.
    He glances up, then looks at his watch. “I didn’t sleep at all. Anywhere. How about you?”
    “A little bit. How are the Shaws?”
    Dad shakes his head but can’t talk. The energetic confidence of last night has left him totally.
    If I let it stay silent, he might start crying, so I tell him about how I called Mom and left a message, that I’ll try again later. “We can both talk to her.”
    He shuffles some papers on his desk. “I’m not sure about today’s schedule. I told Jody’s folks I’d meet them at the search site this morning to be with them at the press conference.”
    “Well I won’t call until we can both talk to her,” I say. When he doesn’t react I remind myself that he’s under a lot of pressure, and that obviously Jody’s family comes first right now. I change the subject. “Did you get my note?”
    About the