SECRET Revealed by L. Marie Adeline Read Free Book Online Page A

the Café so you can manage the restaurant upstairs. It
is
going to be named Cassie’s, since that’s the name I registered, that’s the name on the liquorlicense, that’s the name that’s going to be on all the invoices and menus I’ve printed, and on a sign that’s going to be delivered any minute now,” he said, checking his watch. “I haven’t changed my mind about that.”
    I’d been staring at his lips the whole time he spoke, wanting to kiss him, wanting to slap him for the words issuing from them, willing myself not to cry, not to stammer. I placed one hand over my stomach and with the other I braced myself on the counter.
    “Will, tell me something.”
    “What?” His shoulders dropped. He knew what was coming.
    “Did you ever love me?”
    He looked down as though the answer were scribbled on a piece of paper balled up in one of his fists.
    “I … did. And I still … think the world of you, Cassie. I do.” He pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers before continuing.
    “I still feel … very deeply for you, Cassie. But I can’t be in love with you. I won’t be. I won’t let myself. Because I want—no, I
need
, I seriously
need
my life to be more uncomplicated from now on. I’ve got Claire to look after now, and she’s going through some shit at school, and I’ve got a new business to run. Tracina and the baby are behind me now. And I just have to focus on having a quieter, simpler life. I need that. For my sanity.”
    The silence that followed said everything.
    It was over between us. Completely.
    “I see.”
    “But we
can
work together, Cassie. We’re not children. And good jobs aren’t easy to come by. Don’t punish yourself out of pride. Stay. I need you.”
    What do you say to that? What do you do? Do you beat on the person’s chest, demanding that the heart let you in because the heart knows better than the brain? Or do you just nod and say,
Okay. Fine. I will stay. For now
.
    That’s what I said, while a rivulet of liquid mercury entered my veins, solidifying and steeling me against any further rejection, or from ever opening my heart again. It happened so automatically it would have been almost awe-inspiring if it didn’t signal doom. This man had doomed me for love. I had shown him some of my true self, the parts I felt safe showing. But when my deeper secrets were revealed, he rejected me. And it wasn’t just rejection, it was denial, of everything I was and of everything I had been through.
    “So that’s it then?” I asked.
    “I think so,” he said. “We were friends for a long time. I hope we can be friends again. I can be yours, I think, with time.”
    He held out his hand. He wanted me to
shake
his hand? I looked at it like it was on fire.
Don’t cry right now. Cry later
.

    And that’s what I did. I worked like a dog for the rest of my shift, training both Claire and our new hire, Maureen, abartender we stole from the Spotted Cat across the street and who’d eventually replace me downstairs. I hoped, despite their style clash (Claire was a hippie, Maureen a punk) and slight age difference (Claire was almost eighteen, Maureen, twenty-three) that they’d eventually get along.
    I cashed out and left just as a truck pulled up in front of the store and parked. A huge canvas-covered sign jutted out of the cab, casting a shadow over the car behind it. I could make out the top of the big red
C
of
Cassie’s
, and that’s when it became all too much. I fled down Frenchmen, past the bike shop, past the Praline Connection and Maison, cutting a hard left at Chartres to the Spinster Hotel, marveling at how much life can change in twenty-four hours. Yesterday at this time, Will and I were heading to Latrobe’s dressed to the nines and looking forward to a future together. Today, I was in sneakers and a stained T-shirt, unlocking my door and running up the stairs leading to my third-floor apartment, barely holding back my tears.
    Inside my little apartment, I