Selby Sorcerer by Duncan Ball Read Free Book Online

could say that he’s not too big and not too small.’
    ‘And is he a particularly handsome dog — with a red collar?’
    ‘Well, yes, I mean he certainly has a red collar,’ Mrs Trifle said. ‘Why?’
    ‘I saw him just a short while ago,’ Selby said.
    ‘Oh, that’s wonderful!’ Mrs Trifle cried. ‘Where is he?’
    ‘Stay here and I’ll bring him back,’ Selby said.
    Selby turned Daisy around and was about to ride away when Professor Krakpott grabbed her reins and stopped her.
    ‘A man was travelling along a road when he came to a tiny house,’ he said. ‘Outside the house was a fool. The man said to the fool, “I’m a stranger around here. Could you tell me the way to Kakalot?” And the fool said, “I don’t know.” And the man “Then tell me where the next oasis is.” And the fool said, “I don’t know that either.” The man said, “You don’t know very much do you?” And the fool said, “Thatmay be so but at least I’m not lost.” Ha ha ha ha ha.’
    ‘Yes, that was a good one,’ Selby said. ‘Now can I get your dog?’
    ‘You don’t understand,’ the professor said. ‘Do you see the marks all over your cloth? It’s writing. I just read that joke. I do believe that you’re wearing
The Ancient Book of H’ardi-har!’
    ‘I’m wearing a book?’ Selby said.
    ‘Yes, and I want it!’ the professor cried, grabbing the cloth and pulling. ‘That’s the very thing I’ve come here to find!’
    ‘Well, you can’t have it,’ Selby cried. ‘Get your grubby mitts off me!’
    ‘I’ll give you anything!’ the professor yelled, pulling even harder. ‘Please!’
    Selby could feel the cloth starting to slip.
    ‘Oh, no!’ he thought. ‘This is it! I can’t let this happen!’
    Suddenly from inside the cloth there was a flash of teeth and a mysterious figure bent down towards the professor’s hand.
    ‘Yowch!’ he cried. ‘You bit me!’
    ‘I’m sorry, but I had to do it. Go, camel! Go!’ Selby yelled as he and Daisy galloped away.
    Minutes later, the startled trio watched as Selby wandered into camp followed closely behind by Daisy the camel.
    ‘Oh Selby!’ Mrs Trifle cried, snatching him up in her arms. ‘Oh, my dear sweet precious dog. Why did you wander off? We were so worried about you. It’s so lovely to have you back with us.’
    Professor Krakpott grabbed Daisy’s reins. Tied to her back was a bundle of cloth.
    ‘The book!’ he cried, spreading the cloth out on the sand for a closer look. ‘That nice man sent the book back after all! He must have felt guilty about biting me. Wasn’t that nice of him to give us something so wonderful and precious? And look at this! It’s not just
The Ancient Book of H’ardi-har.
It’s got the sequel attached,
The Ancient Book of H’ardi-har Har!
The world is going to be a much happier place.’
    ‘It already is a much happier place,’ Selby thought, ‘because I’m back with the most wonderful and precious people in the world.’

SELBY ON THE NOSE
    ‘How would you like to be filthy rich?’ asked Madame Mascara, former fortune-teller and now cosmetics and perfume millionaire. ‘How would you like to fly around in your own private jet, cruise in your own yacht, give away money to the poor and still live in a mansion like mine?’
    ‘It sounds very nice,’ Mrs Trifle said, ‘but we’re quite happy living the way that we do. Why do you ask?’
    ‘Because I have a wonderful business opportunity and I think you’re the perfect person for the job.’
    ‘I already have a job. I’m the mayor of Bogusville.’
    ‘This is the opportunity of a lifetime and you can do it in your spare time. You’ll make people happy and you’ll get rich.’
    ‘Now I know what you’re on about,’ Mrs Trifle said, wagging a finger at Madame Mascara. ‘You want me to go door to door selling your cosmetics, don’t you?’
    ‘It’s not about
selling,’
Madame Mascara said. ‘It’s about friendship. It’s about love. It’s