Steel My Heart by Vivian Lux Read Free Book Online

and snaked them around to his front. Hugging him around the waist, I stood on my tiptoes and murmured into his ear.
    "Come upstairs, babe."
    "You're done already?" he muttered.
    "Oh! Sorry." I quickly moved back to massaging his shoulders.
    He leaned against the refrigerator, bracing himself so that I could dig deeply. I sank into a lunging position, putting my full body weight into pressing and kneading up and down the whole broad expanse of his back.
    He hadn't yet turned around to say hello.
    "This would be easier if you were lying on the bed," I coaxed.
    "Really Emilia?" He drew up, pulling himself away from my touch. "I had a shit day and that's what you're after? Can't you just give for once and not ask for something in return? Christ." He stalked out of the kitchen.
    "With all I do for you..." he muttered darkly and strode upstairs, leaving me standing with my arms still reaching for him.
     

Chapter 8

    Emmy

    Robert had gone upstairs, taken a shower, changed his clothes and left. All without saying a word to me.
    I spent the rest of the day in a blank daze. I moved from distraction to distraction: my email, Facebook, gossip websites, but nothing was able to fully hold my attention. No matter how loudly I played my music , or cranked the volume on the TV, I couldn't get the scent of perfume out of my nose, or drown out Sammie's voice in my head.
    He doesn't have to hit you to leave a mark.
    There was a place, right above my navel. A hollow, hurting place. It twisted and churned like a knife in my guts. It hurt so badly sometimes that it took my breath away.
    I popped some Tums, but the hollow place was untouched. I nibbled some takeout, but the hollow place refused to be filled. The food roiled in my belly and I swallowed back hot bile that tasted like tears. The hollow place only grew larger. It felt like it had swallowed the whole of me.
    I hugged a throw pillow tightly to my chest as I stared at the television, unseeing. Twisting the silk fabric in my fingers, I debated my options. Should I wait for Robert and apologize? Should I stay out of his way? What should I do to make things right?
    I didn't want to fight with him. I never wanted to fight. Life in my father's house had taught me this. Fighting only meant I got hurt. It was better to take the blame for whatever I had done and move on. I could absorb his anger. I had done it before.
    But the more I told myself this, the more tired I became.
    My eyes closed involuntarily and I snapped them open. If I went to bed now, Robert may come home and find me sleeping in the afternoon. That would only earn me more of his wrath.
    But I was so tired all of a sudden.
    I trudged slowly upstairs. I would just lie down for a bit. I would hear the elevator open if he came home. I would pretend I had been straightening up our bedroom if he asked why I was up here. Or that I was working on my portfolio. That would work.
    I sank heavily into our king-sized bed. The hollow place in my belly wouldn't let me stretch out. Instead I curled into a ball on my side. I was asleep immediately.
    I don't know what it was that woke me. It could have been a noise from the street. It could have been the building settling. Maybe it was the neighbors downstairs. It could have been a number of different things, but I'm almost sure it was my heart.
    I woke with a start, my heart racing in a panic, my mouth flooded with the bright coppery taste of fear. The room was pitch dark. I turned to look at the clock on my bedside table and saw that it was past eleven. I had slept for eight hours without meaning to. I flung out my arm to Robert's side of the bed, reaching for his sleeping form to comfort myself.
    There was no one there. The sheets were cool, the pillow was undented. Robert had never come to bed.
    He had never come home.
    I ran my hand along the sheet, up and down, up and down. Robert's thousand thread count sheets. I still couldn't feel the difference in softness. I wondered if I ever would.