Stotan! by Chris Crutcher Read Free Book Online

find anyone, they create someone. Their ideas are meaningless—right up until we start to fight against them. We’re the ones who give power to bigots. We make their ideas real by opposing them.”
    â€œYeah, but, Jeez, Max,” I said, “it makes me want to turn O’Brian inside out.”
    â€œIf you don’t learn anything else before you get out of high school,” Max said, “learn where to make a stand.” He smiled. “Right now make a sit. In your seat.Impossible as the task may seem, it’s time for me to make you literate.” End of discussion. O’Brian has power only if we give O’Brian power. The gospel according to Max.
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    You know, it seemed a lot clearer why I was attracted to Devnee when I first started taking her out during the middle of last year. I wonder what happens to true love; where it goes. In the beginning I was always excited about seeing her, and I gave her flowers and candy on special occasions, or on any occasion for that matter, and organized my time around what she wanted to do. But then it started disappearing. Even before I started looking at Elaine as a possible object of my questionable favors, the power of my feelings for Devnee was fading. And I’m such a jerk when that happens. I start creating arguments so she’ll get frustrated and mad at me and not want to be around me—in fact, it feels like I’m trying to get her pissed off so she’ll break up with me and then I won’t have to be the one to do it and feel guilty. It would be one thing if this were the first time, but something close to that has happened every time I’ve had a girlfriend. It seems really selfish and makes me feel like a lowlife, but it’s out of my control. I keep saying I’m going to do it differently, but then Istart doing subtle things that I know will irritate them and make them fight with me. They never understand it—which is probably the point—and there’s a lot of hurt. And it takes for-frigging- ever to finally break up. I hate it. So anyway, even though I’m sure nothing will ever happen between me and Elaine, I’m going to try to break things off with Devnee in a way I can be proud of; you know, take responsibility for letting her know what’s going on with me rather than try to make her believe it’s her fault, or that some dark, unknown demon is lurking between us. I sure wish I knew why love goes away. Devnee is pretty and she’s smart and has a really nice body; small, with a tiny waist and great pecs; dark green eyes and short, almost black hair. She’s in the honor society and she plays the piano like a pro. She also likes me a lot, which makes it all the harder. Anybody in their right mind is going to say I’m a lunatic for ending it, though there’ll be plenty of guys who’ll be glad I did. The second I’m gone, her social calendar will be filled up through her first two years of college. And that brings up another thing. Even though I don’t want to be with her anymore, I’m jealous of anyone else being with her. I can already feel it. God, how do people grow up and get married and live together for the rest of their lives?
    December 1
    Well, I didn’t do such a hot job with Devnee last night. I had it planned to take her out to a nice dinner and find just the right spot to say I didn’t want to continue with the relationship. I had a couple of chances, but she looked so nice and so sweet and so full of everything a guy should want in a girlfriend, I started questioning whether I should stick with it. Actually, what really stopped me was I was scared. So another time, I guess. I’ll look into hypnosis.
    Something more important is pressing and I don’t have any idea what to do about it. It’s Nortie, and I think it’s serious. I mentioned before that he spends time working over at the East Side Childcare Center a couple of