overhearing.
“Okay, so tell me what you’re really up to now that I’m not sitting next to Dad,” I said, flopping on my bed.
“Nothing. I told you, I’ve been a good boy. I honestly don’t have time to get shitfaced with all the work I’m doing in class and on the paper and freelancing. You’ll understand when you get to college next year. It’s so much more work than people say it is.” I could believe that, but I could also believe that Gabe was taking on too much. He always did. If he wasn’t careful, he was going to run himself into the ground before he turned thirty.
“Have you even been on a date?” I asked. I would much rather grill my brother about his love life than talk about mine. Or lack thereof.
“Not really. I’ve been doing the casual sex thing.”
“Ugh, TMI, Gabe. TMI!” I wished I could throw a pillow or something at him. He just laughed again.
“I’m kidding. Sort of. Sometimes this girl from one of my study groups comes over, but usually we’re so tired that we just pass out before we can even get to the sex. I figure I’ll get to have sex when I graduate.” I rolled my eyes at him, but he couldn’t see.
“How’s your love life? Any developments there? Still sticking to the ‘no dating until college’ rule?”
“Yes, I am.” I didn’t sound sure. Oh, hell.
“Is that some hesitation I hear in your voice? Did you meet someone?” He didn’t specify a gender. We hadn’t for a long time. But I still hadn’t told him that I wanted to date girls.
“No. Definitely not.” I didn’t sound sure about that either. But just as I thought he was going to start interrogating me, I heard someone call his name.
“Shit, listen. I have to go, but we need to have a longer talk soon. Oh, and when are you coming to visit?” I always flew down to see him at least a few times a year on our school breaks. He took me around the city and we went shopping and he let me see what it was going to be like to be a college student. I couldn’t wait to get back.
“I can’t remember the exact day our break starts on, but I’ll text you.” We said goodbye and hung up. I was actually relieved that I didn’t have to talk to him anymore.
Gabe was perceptive as hell and I was ninety percent sure he already knew. Once again, saying the words just seemed impossible. For the millionth time in my life, I wished I just liked boys. I’d tried. Sometimes I still tried. I’d look at a popular male actor or model and ask myself if I found him attractive.
Nope. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was like looking at marble sculpture. Pleasing to the eye, but I didn’t want to buy it.
Kyle still floated in the back of my head. She’d been lurking there all day in all her adorable glory. She really was cute as hell. I was an idiot for ignoring it so long. Now I couldn’t see anything else.
She had definitely looked freaked out in the bathroom today, but that was probably because she hadn’t expected me to come and find her. I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach. I was such an idiot. Why had I done that? Things were going to be so awkward on Wednesday when I saw her again.
I turned back over and put my hands behind my bed as I stared up at the ceiling.
I was just going to go back to avoiding her. It would be easy. Totally easy. Impossibly easy.
I didn’t look up when I walked into class and took my seat, but she was there, fiddling with her hair. She let it down long enough for me to see that it hit the middle of her back before she swiped it up again.
I’d considered saying something, or apologizing about the bathroom weirdness, but my instinct told me to just let it go and pretend it hadn’t happened.
And then, in his infinite wisdom, Mr. Hurley said the words that every student dreaded, “Okay, pair up.” I searched around the room, but in the seconds after he’d spoken, the pairs had already formed, as if they’d just been waiting for this moment. There was the sound
Learning to Kill: Stories