and opened the door. "Go on inside. I’m right behind you."
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as Daniel locked the door behind us. It’s for your own privacy. He isn’t locking it to keep you here. Yeah, tell that to my nerves and fight or flight instincts. I take flight for two hundred, Alex.
Taking a steady breath, I was vaguely aware of Daniel standing somewhere behind me. His breath came out in even pants. The same couldn’t be said for my own. It took everything I had to keep my hands from shaking and my teeth from chattering. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure why I was so nervous. Now that we were in the room, there was no reason to act this way. Maybe it was because of the cuffs he’d had me wear in the evenings, or maybe it was because I had no idea what he had planned for the evening.
Not everything has to be planned. In the lifestyle of D/s, it kind of did. Scenes were usually discussed ahead of time, and while the tools used or the sequence of events changed, the play itself was expected. Anticipated.
That’s when I realized it. I wasn’t nervous or anxious. It was my anticipation and the fact that I had no way of knowing what was coming. I had no past experience to compare it to. No past Doms to use as a reference.
My hands fell to my sides. I clenched my fists. Opened them when Daniel touched my fingertips. He stepped off to my right. In front of me. To my left. Behind me.
Circling me, his breathing never changed. His pace remained the same. I’d heard about Doms having control, but this was insane. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how much energy it took for him not to freak out or for his breath to catch.
Hell, he hadn’t even reacted to my outfit, and it was completely out of the norm for me.
His fingertips caressed my shoulder as he walked behind me again. "Am I making you uncomfortable?"
I swallowed hard. "N-no."
"Do I make you nervous?"
I nodded.
"Julia, do I make you nervous?"
Fuck. He wanted a verbal response? How the hell did he expect me to —
"Julia?" He lifted my chin again. "Answer the question."
"What…" I licked my lips. "What did you say?"
I thought I saw the flicker of a smile pass over his lips, but as quickly as I saw it, it was gone.
"Am I making you nervous?"
As if you can’t tell. "Yes."
He made a sound of approval and crossed his arms behind his back as he continued his path around me. "Good. Very good."
I closed my eyes, silently tracking him as he stepped around me. I knew exactly where he was at all times. Listening to him breathe. Sensing him. But he never touched me again. And after some time, that lack of contact went from being something that made me flinch to something I craved.
When I opened my eyes again, Daniel was standing in front of me.
"Doing okay?" he asked, wearing the same poker face as before.
"Yes."
"Do you need to run?" He nodded to the door.
I glanced back over my shoulder, then grinned at him. "No."
"Just nerves then. Good. That means we can continue. I know this feels slow, but I do it for a reason. The more time I take, the more time you have to back away. Sound good?"
I nodded. "But what do I do if I want you closer?"
Now he did smile. "We’ll get there. For now, we’ll start slow. Are you familiar with any positions?"
"What? Like sex?"
He bowed his head and ran a hand through his hair. "I said slow , not fast."
"What positions then?"
"Positions of submission."
I shook my head. Sure, I’d looked them up, but I never really paid attention to what they were called. At least sexual positions were easy—missionary, doggy style, reverse cowgirl—they made complete sense to me. Submissive positions? Not so much.
"You really are new to this, aren’t you?" Daniel asked with a bit of a lilt in his voice. "It’s okay. You’ll learn." He rolled his shoulders back, and in that instant, the playfulness I’d sensed in his voice became absent in his eyes. "I’m going to give you a few verbal cues. All I want you
Learning to Kill: Stories