Suffer Love by Ashley Herring Blake Read Free Book Online

Jocelyn to go through all of his devices afterward to make sure it was done. Jocelyn did it, leveling him with a terse “Who’s this?” every time she came across a name she didn’t recognize. I’ve never seen my father look so small as he did that day, standing in his study while my mother’s best friend sifted through his electronic life.
    There was a part of me that didn’t understand my mother’s need for ignorance. The Annie St. Clair I knew would want to know more about the woman her husband chose over her. But I never asked for an explanation for his affair either, and he never offered one.
    My parents started counseling, which I refused to attend, even when the therapist requested it. If they’ve ever discussed anything outside of therapy, I’ve never heard a word. In my opinion, they’re just throwing away three hundred dollars an hour. A sort of cold war broke out in our house, and divorce started sounding as enticing as a Hawaiian vacation. No one spoke beyond the logistics of running a household. No one touched. Dad seemed to know that I didn’t want to talk to him, could barely look at him, and the space he gave me in the beginning morphed into habit. I kept waiting for Mom to talk to me about it all and help me understand, for some sort of alliance to form between us. I figured we were in this together, on the same team wading through enemy territory, but instead, she filled up whatever void Dad’s affair created with work. With tasks. With black pepper on her allergic-to-pepper husband’s dinner. Other than a few shared glances that only made me feel uncomfortable as opposed to comforted, I’m pretty sure she forgot I was in the house half the time.
    I think what really kept me up at night—what still keeps me up—were those notes. I’m not sorry my dad was outed. I’m not even sorry he was humiliated. But I’ll never forget how I felt when I first saw those words, when their meaning first penetrated through my unbelief. It felt like part of my life was dying right before my eyes.
    We moved from Nashville to Woodmont in June. Life was supposed to change. Dad tried to make things right, texting me all the time and asking me about Sunday-afternoon swims and movie marathons. But the only thing that really changed was that I started looking for a distraction. I started looking for something to make me forget that I was lonely even when I was with Kat. What changed was that I started craving some kind of validation, some comfort that I never got—or wanted—from my parents anymore. Even Kat seemed afraid to touch me, like I was a grenade and one hard tug would set me off.
    That’s the nice thing about guys. They’re never afraid to touch you.

Chapter Five
Hadley
    Kat knocks on my door a little past eight. I’m over my memory-fest, the note tucked safely away, and my dad finally stopped tapping on my door after a record-low four attempts. Jinx is sprawled across my feet on the bed while I flip through an SAT vocabulary book. Last May, when a lot of juniors were preparing to retake the SATs, I was watching life as I knew it disintegrate. So I’m taking the test again in December. It’s my last chance before most college application deadlines.
    â€œMeow!” I call, knowing it’s Kat by her coded one long, two short knock.
    â€œI wish you’d stop mewing your greetings.” She flops next to me on the bed.
    â€œWhat? It was Jinx.”
    â€œShe didn’t say anything, did she?” Kat reaches over and scratches Jinx behind the ears.
    â€œWell, she does tend to purr when people pet her like that.”
    Kat pinches my thigh and I yelp. Jinx’s ears go flat.
    â€œYour mom, genius. About the locker.”
    I smirk. “What do you think?”
    Kat releases a frustrated grunt and Jinx flinches again. When I started messing around with purportedly single guys behind closed doors, Kat