Surrendered by LP Lovell Read Free Book Online

the euphoric feeling it brings you, then I am addicted to Theo. I have a feeling that she knows that feeling all too well.
    “Uh no.” I respond, partly because being addicted to another human being is insane, and partly because I don’t think I can compare that to cocaine addiction.
    “It’s a constant struggle. I mean, why wouldn’t you give in to feeling amazing? How do you have the will power to remain miserable, when happiness is so easy?” I can relate. I used to use sex in the same way. Maybe I do have an addiction? “It’s different for you. You have a nice shiny life, something worth fighting for. I’ve always had nothing.” Funny how people perceive things sometimes.
    She’s right though, in a way. I judged her for being a drug addict. I couldn’t believe that she could do that whilst pregnant, but I don’t know her. I don’t live in her life. I know what I would do, but she isn’t me.
    “You’re right Cassie, but you don’t have to just accept your life for what it is. You don’t have to be resigned to being a drug addict, a stripper, a friendless single mother. You can turn that around at any point should you choose. Life is whatever you make of it. Nobody owes you anything. You only get in life what you are willing to go out and fight for.” She says nothing. “And you have something to fight for. That baby.” She glances away guiltily. “I get that this didn’t pan out the way you wanted it to, but that baby is the good in all this.” I smile faintly. She doesn’t respond. “Look. I can see you’re not quite in the place to see this clearly yet, but you think about it.”
    She nods. We talk for a while. I try to get to know a little about her, but there isn’t really much to know. Abusive father. Ran away from home at sixteen. Drugs, sex, stripping. It’s a sad but all too common story.
    “I have no-one.” She says quietly when she’s finished.
    “Look, I know this is weird for both of us, but I will help you, okay? You need anything, you call me.”
    “Thank you.” She whispers. I stand up, pulling on my coat. Her eyes follow me as I rise.
    “Why? Why do you keep doing this?” She asks.
    I smile sadly. “When I needed rescuing, someone risked everything for me.”
    “Who?”
    “My brother.” I choke.
    Her lips kick up a little, a dimple sinking into her cheek. “He sounds like a good man.”
    “The best.” I whisper.
    “I’ve never had anyone like that.” She says quietly.
    I nod. “Exactly. I may not be the most likely candidate, but I’m apparently all you have right now.”
    She drops her face, her hair falling forward to hide her features. “Theo hates me.” She says it as a statement.
    I sigh. What am I supposed to say to that? “Theo…Theo will come around eventually. I know him. He would never abandon that baby.” I have to believe that.
    She looks up meeting my eyes. “You still love him.” Of course I love him. There’s a sadness in her eyes that makes me bite my tongue. I should be honest. I should tell her that Theo and I are together, and yet I don’t. She may be deluded and irrational in her feelings toward Theo, but sometimes you can’t help the way you feel. She is in love with him. She’s hormonal and in rehab for a severe drug addiction. Now isn’t the time.
    “I’ll stop by next week Cassie.” I don’t wait for an answer. I leave the way I came in. Seeing her isn’t easy, but it makes me feel better, as though it makes me a stronger person somehow. It feels good to be strong for someone else. Funny that I’ve never been able to do that for anyone before.
    I get back in the car and check my phone. There are three missed calls from Theo. I sigh and start to make the short drive home. We need to talk. It feels like a swarm of bees have taken up residence inside my head. There are so many thoughts, questions and doubts flying through my skull. I feel like the game has totally changed, and I no longer know the rules. Theo and I