Tenth of December by George Saunders Read Free Book Online Page B

me?”
    “Yes,” she said.
    “Heather, honestly,” Abnesti said. “Put a sock in it.”
    Heather looked around for a sock, VeriTalk™ making one quite literal.
    Back in my Domain, I did the math: Heather had fucked me three times. Heather had probably also fucked Rogan three times, since, in the name of design consistency, Abnesti would have given Rogan and me equal relative doses of Vivistif™.
    And yet, speaking of design consistency, there was stillone shoe to drop, if I knew Abnesti, always a stickler in terms of data symmetry, which was: Wouldn’t Abnesti also need Rachel to decide who to Darkenfloxx™, i.e., me or Rogan?
    After a short break, my suspicions were confirmed: I found myself again sitting in Small Workroom 3 with Rogan!
    Again we sat not talking for a long time. Mostly he picked at the smaller rat and I tried to watch without him seeing.
    Then, like before, Abnesti came on the P.A. and said: “That’s it, guys, thanks.”
    “Let me guess,” I said. “Rachel’s in there with you.”
    “Jeff, if you don’t stop doing that, I swear,” Abnesti said.
    “And she just declined to Darkenfloxx™ either me or Rogan?” I said.
    “Hi, Jeff!” Rachel said. “Hi, Rogan!”
    “Rogan,” I said. “Did you by any chance fuck Rachel earlier today?”
    “Pretty much,” said Rogan.
    My mind was like reeling. Rachel had fucked me plus Rogan? Heather had fucked me plus Rogan? And everyone who had fucked anyone had fallen in love with that person, then out of it?
    What kind of crazy-ass Project Team was this?
    I mean, I had been on some crazy-ass Project Teams in my time, such as one where the drip had something in it that made hearing music exquisite, and hence when some Shostakovich was piped in actual bats seemed to circle my Domain, or the one where my legs became totally numb below thewaist and yet I found I could still stand fifteen straight hours at a fake cash register, miraculously suddenly able to do extremely hard long-division problems in my mind.
    But of all of my crazy-ass Project Teams this was by far the most crazy-assed.
    I could not help but wonder what tomorrow would bring.
    VI
    Except today wasn’t even over.
    I was again called into Small Workroom 3. And was sitting there when this unfamiliar guy came in.
    “I’m Keith!” he said, rushing over to shake my hand.
    He was a tall Southern drink of water, all teeth and wavy hair.
    “Jeff,” I said.
    “Really nice meeting you!” he said.
    Then we sat there not talking. Whenever I looked over at Keith, he would gleam his teeth at me and shake his head all wry, as if to say, “Odd job of work, isn’t it?”
    “Keith,” I said. “Do you by any chance know two chicks named Rachel and Heather?”
    “I sure as heck do,” Keith said. And suddenly his teeth had a leering quality to them.
    “Did you by any chance have sex with both Rachel and Heather earlier today, three times each?” I said.
    “What are you, man, a dang psychic?” Keith said. “You’re blowing my mind, I it mit it!”
    “Jeff, you’re totally doinking with our experimental design integrity,” Abnesti said.
    “So either Rachel or Heather is sitting in the Spiderhead right now,” I said. “Trying to decide.”
    “Decide what?” Keith said.
    “Which of us to Darkenfloxx™,” I said.
    “Eek,” said Keith. And now his teeth looked scared.
    “Don’t worry,” I said. “She won’t do it.”
    “Who won’t?” Keith said.
    “Whoever’s in there,” I said.
    “That’s it, guys, thanks,” Abnesti said.
    Then, after a short break, Keith and I were once again brought into Small Workroom 3, where once again we waited as either Rachel or Heather declined to Darkenfloxx™ either one of us.
    Back in my Domain, I constructed a who-had-fucked-whom chart, which went like this:

    Abnesti came in.
    “Despite all your shenanigans,” he said, “Rogan and Keith had exactly the same reaction as you did. And as Racheland Heather did. None of you, at the