The Andy Cohen Diaries by Andy Cohen Read Free Book Online

conversation with a stranger who had the same kind of glasses. The same guy came up to me fifteen minutes later and says, “I am so embarrassed. I know who you are.” And I go, “Well, I am embarrassed. I don’t know who you are and I thought I was talking to someone else.” So we were even. We split the Hudson and went to Atlas, where some guy came up to me and said, “I’m not coming up to you because of who you are, I’m coming up to you because of what you are, which is sexy.” That’s a pretty good line but that was as far as that went.
    SUNDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2013
    The dog Ron Swanson has some kind of ringworm, so I didn’t get to meet him this weekend. Gross. He’ll be here in a week or two. I keep walking around my house wondering what it will be like to have a little doggy following me around. Will he follow me around? What is a dog going to do in this apartment to occupy his time all day anyway? I saw Kathy and Rich Wakile tonight at the show and Rich kept making jokes about me throwing them away in the trash, because Kathy isn’t going to be a “full” Housewife this season. I explained to Kathy that I couldn’t put her in the show open because it would cause big problems with other Housewives. Everybody wants to be in the show open.
    MONDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2013
    Apropos of last night, today I had a long phone conversation with Countess LuAnn, who had hoped to be in the opening titles on RHONY. In fairness to her she is an original Housewife, but she is a “recurring” character this season. I had to tell her that although she’s all over the show, she doesn’t have her own storyline. She’s not a happy Countess. So that was a fun conversation to have. Not. (Yes, I am now quoting Truth or Dare– era Madonna.) The upside of all this is that it’s the Countess’s best season. Meanwhile Carole Radziwill sent a long list of intro lines for herself that all break the fourth wall, like “Last year I was the fan favorite; I can’t wait to see how you fuck me over this year.” Or, “I used to think this show was fiction.…” But you can’t say “this show” in the intro.
    I had dinner at Grac’s with Neal and both of her kids. I haven’t seen her in forever and I was so happy to be able to hang with Marley and Sam, which is like being in the middle of a fun tornado. (A fun-nado? Could that become a thing?) After twenty-five years, Grac and I have the ability to click into a groove for whatever time we are together and just reconnect, fast. Neal says dinner at their place is like being inside a popcorn maker. They’re crazy-hilarious. Marley can play guitar. I can’t play anything.
    The Cardinals game was amazing, of course. With their backs against the wall they rallied. Winning the World Series this season is their destiny.
    Another two-hour massage after the show. Total luxury. Again I lay there wondering what the fuck that dog is going to do while I get a massage. Sleep? Watch? Bark?
    TUESDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2013
    Before the show I had dinner with Amanda at Waverly. Seeing her was just what I needed, a quick therapy session. The guy sitting at the table next to us was a total douchebag, an older guy with a ponytail and young girls kind of giggling at his awful stories. He was disgusting. Carter Oosterhouse was there. He’s so handsome, he looks just like Superman. We told each other that the other was “killing it” like three times, which I think is what you’re supposed to say to straight famous people. (Seacrest says that every time I see him.) There’s a waiter there who’s really hot who’s straight and married but he flirts with every gay guy and makes them think they have a chance with him, but since I found out that I’m not the only one he flirts with I decided I’m done. I mean, I’ve been through such a roller coaster in my mind with