The Atonement Child by Francine Rivers Read Free Book Online Page A

corner away from people. She felt Joe watching her, waiting. Forcing a smile, she sat down and curled her legs to one side. Joe sat resting his forearms on his raised knees. She had always felt at ease with him, which made her tension now that much more disturbing.
    Picking up a textbook, she opened it. “So, what does Ethan want you to tell me?”
    “He didn’t send me, Dynah.”
    She raised her head, her eyes narrowing slightly. “Are you sure?”
    “I want to sit with you and talk. I want to know how you’re doing.”
    She lowered her head. “I’m fine.”
    “No, you’re not. You’re too pale to be fine.”
    “I spent the better part of two weeks in my room. Now I work at the library.” She was ashamed by the edge of bitterness she could hear in her voice, the undercurrent of anger. Anger was the enemy now. Christians were supposed to be docile, accepting, obedient to God’s will. . . .
    Was it Your will, Lord? I don’t understand. Why has this happened? Why is my life turned upside down?
    “How are you sleeping?”
    “Fine.”
    “Come on, Dynah. You can talk to me.”
    She clenched her teeth. Why did it have to be Joe asking? Ethan should be the one to want to know. Ethan should be listening and comforting, but then Ethan was personally involved, wasn’t he? He had lost the most, hadn’t he?
    She looked away. “I have nightmares,” she said dully. Embarrassed, she looked down again. She shouldn’t be exposing her feelings to Joe. “I need to study.”
    “Okay,” he said quietly and stretched out on his side. “We’ll study.” Propping himself up slightly, he pulled out one of his textbooks. Taking a highlighter out of his backpack, he pulled the cap off with his teeth as he read. Every now and then he ran the pen along a line of text or over a term.
    Looking down at her own open textbook in her lap, Dynah tried to concentrate on the terms she needed to memorize. Midterms were coming, but she couldn’t seem to get the terms to sink in. She rubbed her forehead and started over, taking one term at a time, trying again, but her mind kept wandering.
    “Do you think there’s a reason for everything that happens?” She felt Joe look at her. Afraid of his answer, she went on quickly. “I mean, Ethan thinks so. He thinks God must have a reason for punishing me.”
    “Were those his exact words?”
    “Something like that. Maybe not in those words. Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that’s not what he meant.” Maybe she hadn’t heard him correctly. Maybe she was being unfair. Maybe she wasn’t thinking straight about anything anymore. She rubbed her temple with trembling fingers.
    “It wasn’t your fault, Dynah.”
    “How can I know that? I should’ve listened to Mr. Packard. I could’ve asked for a ride from Sally or called Janet or waited until Ethan was finished with the Bible study. I could’ve—”
    Joe sat up, halting her flow of words, and reached over to take her hands firmly. “Look at me.”
    She did, hardly able to see his face through the blur of tears.
    “It was not your fault. You didn’t do anything to deserve it.”
    “There has to be a reason.”
    “God didn’t send that man to rape you.”
    “He didn’t stop him, either,” she said, pulling her hands free and clutching her book again. “Maybe He did send him, Joe.” He didn’t say anything, and she tried to explain her jumbled feelings. “Didn’t God send the Assyrians to destroy Israel? Didn’t the Babylonians conquer them, too? And Job. Joe, what about Job? What did he do wrong that he had to suffer that much?”
    “He didn’t do anything wrong, Dynah. He loved God. He honored Him. That’s why Satan wanted to sift him, to prove he could break Job’s faith.”
    “So I’m being sifte d ?” She saw him wince at the quick sarcasm of her response and blushed, ashamed that she could sit right here, dead center of a Christian college, and dare criticize God. She wanted to say she wasn’t like Job. She would