The Best Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Gunslinger in the Whole Damned Galaxy by Mike Resnick Read Free Book Online

wrong with Mr. Flint?” asked Mr. Ahasuerus.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “He’s the only guy on the ship who’s unhappy—except for me, and I’m getting happier by the minute."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I myself have noticed that his behavior is perhaps a little more aggressive than usual,” admitted the blue man. He looked at the blond sharpshooter. “But I simply assumed this is because he is a naturally competitive man."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  The Dancer shrugged.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “He has wealth, and fame, and security, and everything he ever wanted," persisted Mr. Ahasuerus. “Why should he be unhappy?"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Maybe because he’s got wealth and fame and security and everything he ever wanted,” replied the Dancer. He seemed to lose interest in the conversation. “Anyone want a Coke?” There was no response. “I got some milk in there, too.” He waited for an answer, then shrugged again. “I had some booze that I kept for company,” he apologized, “but Thaddeus drank it all."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “As long as we seem to be discussing the subject of emotional stability," continued the blue man hesitantly, “I think you should know that I take an interest in all my associates."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “That’s nice,” said the Dancer pleasantly. “By the way, how’s old Jupiter doing these days? He don’t hardly talk to me no more."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Jupiter is the same as usual. As long as he and Batman can take turns dunking each other in the Bozo cage and hurling abuse at each other, he seems content. I must confess that I do not understand him at all."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “What’s to understand?” said the Dancer. “He’s happy with what he’s doing."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “And what about you, Billybuck?” asked the blue man, wondering exactly how to phrase the question. “Has facing the Killing Machine every night put any undue strain on you?"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I don’t know what you mean."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Well,” said the blue man awkwardly, “a number of our people place their lives in your hands at every performance, and now it seems that members of our audience will be doing so as well."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Yeah?” said the Dancer expectantly.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I just want to make sure that your emotional state is . . . ah . . . all that we might hope it to be. I mean,” he continued, “that if anything were bothering you, I hope that you would feel free to confide in myself or Mr. Flint."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Like what, for instance?"
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “Anything at all,” said Mr. Ahasuerus helplessly.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “I’ll keep it in mind,” replied the Dancer.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  The blue man looked plaintively toward Tojo for help, but the hunchback simply shrugged and shook his head.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “All right,” said Mr. Ahasuerus with a sigh. “I shall speak to Mr. Flint about your proposal, and if he approves, we will incorporate it on the next world we play.” He paused in the doorway. “You’re sure no one can outdraw you? There are some very unusual races out here."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “That’s a promise."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  The blue man took one last look at all the posters of all the gunfighters who knew no one could outdraw them. “Then I hope that this attraction proves to be as successful as you anticipate."
    Â Â Â Â Â Â  “You got the best owner and barker and gunslinger in the galaxy,” said the Dancer, flashing him a boyish smile. “What could go wrong?"
    Â 

 
    Chapter 4
    Â 
    He never drank, he never swore,  
    He never laid up with a whore;  
    He