The Brotherhood of Rotten Babysitters by Dan Danko, Tom Mason Read Free Book Online Page A

crying kids and dirty diapers. I’ve had juice spilled on me, SpaghettiOs thrown at me, strained peas flung at me, and gum stuck to me. I’ve been forced to watch
Finding Nemo
five hundred and thirty-six times and know every single lyric to every single song from every single Disney movie, sequel, prequel, DVD, direct-to-video video, special edition, and stage play. So don’t even think for a second that sixty-two pennies bouncing off my face would even make me blink — except for that one that actually hit me in the eye. Your coins can’t harm me! I’m made of
steel
! I’m a
babysitter
!”
    Exact Change Kid gritted his teeth and leaned closer to Kiki’s face. “Don’t think I won’t use quarters...”
    “Would everyone just calm down and tell me who the heck you are?!” I shouted.
    “And do you like pumpkin pie?” Pete’s faint voice called out from the closet.
    “So,” Kiki began, letting go of Exact Change Kid, “you want to know the origin of the Brotherhood of Rotten Babysitters?”
    “Yes!” the word exploded from my mouth.

Chapter Twelve
    The Origin of the Brotherhood of Rotten Babysitters!

    “We got tired of babysitting all those brats, so we became evil,” Kiki explained.
    “Rotten,” Candi corrected.
    “Rotten,” Bunni agreed.

Chapter Thirteen
    The Revenge of Mikey!

    “That’s it?
That’s
your big ‘origin’?!” I sputtered.
    “Well, that and the aliens that blasted us with cosmic rays as we drove near the nuclear reactor while eating Pop Rocks and Pepsi and listening to CDs backwards during the lightning storm that happened on the same day as those mysterious sunspots that made the gamma bomb experiment to explode early, causing shards of the green meteor from this dying planet to hit us before we were safely out of Area 51, while watching the Janet Jackson halftime show from the Super Bowl. The next day we had super powers. But that part’s
so
five minutes ago,” Kiki explained.
    “That’s my favorite perfume,” Spice Girl whispered.
    “And now, we’ve been hired to totally destroy the League of Big Justice!” Candi growled.
    “Well, you chicks are out of luck,” Boom Boy laughed. “The League of Big Justice is back doing yard work at Speedy’s.”
    “All of them?” Kiki looked like she was about to explode.
    “Yes! All of them!” Pete’s muffled voice cried out from the closet. “Especially the ones you can make into pies!”
    “Who was that?” Kiki demanded.
    “Meow! Meow!” Pete replied.
    “Why do you want to destroy the League of Big Justice?” I asked.
    “Why?”
Kiki sneered. “We’re rotten babysitters! It’s just what we do.”
    “My colleague and I have a question,” Exact Change Kid said, looking up from his notebook. He had been scribbling during the whole conversation and also conferring with Spelling Beatrice. He flipped back one page, briefly read his notes, then asked, “Are you ‘rotten babysitters’ because you’re no good at babysitting, or are you babysitters who are rotten, and therefore do bad things? I hope you can see my confusion. The way you use it, ‘rotten’ is modifying ‘babysitter,’ making it sound like an assessment of your babysitting skills rather than a commentary on your moral disposition. While you’ve been divulging your plan to destroy the League of Big Justice and then rule the world or whatever, I’ve taken the liberty of sketching out a few alternatives to help avoid any future misunderstandings. So, let me run these by you and maybe you can get some immediate feedback from the other sidekicks.” He flipped over two more pages and cleared his throat. The three evil babysitters exchanged unsure looks. “Okay... sticking with the babysitting theme... how about... ‘The Brotherhood of Babysitters Who Are Rotten’? or ‘The League of Morally Suspect Babysitters’? Oh, here’s a good one: ‘The Babinators.’ Or maybe ‘Babysitting Destructo Force-1’? And then there’s my personal favorite