The Brotherhood of Rotten Babysitters by Dan Danko, Tom Mason Read Free Book Online Page B

—”
    Before Exact Change Kid could reveal his favorite, Kiki blasted him through the front door.
    “Now we’ll never know his personal favorite,” Spice Girl lamented.
    “Sidekicks, attack!” I shouted.
    “That’s unofficial...,” Exact Change Kid moaned from outside, and collapsed into unconsciousness.
    I didn’t have time to worry whether “sidekicks, attack!” was our official battle cry or not. I had three crazy babysitters on my hands. If you ask me, all babysitters are evil anyway, but usually the only wicked plot they have the ability to inflict is to ruin your evening of TV or crush your hopes to stay up late. But give a baby-sitter super powers and you’re just asking for trouble.
    And that’s just what these three were: trouble — with a capital
T.
    I once fought trouble with a little
T.
Actually, it was an evil duo who called themselves Tiny Trouble and Little T.
    “I shall trouble your kneecaps!” Tiny Trouble had yelled as he attacked with Little T at his side. “We’ve got twice the
T
and half the size!”
    Unfortunately, Pumpkin Pete had a sneezing fit just as the battle began and ended up inhaling both of them. I think they still live inside his head.
    But there would be no inhaling these three. Candi’s hands turned frosty blue and sent a bolt of ice at me, but I was too fast. I zipped out of the way, raced across my living room at 29 miles per hour, and delivered a right cross to her chin.
    “Dude! Dude! You hit a girl!” Boom Boy yelled as I skidded to a stop next to him. “And a cute one, too!”
    “They’re girls second and evil first!” I reminded him.
    “Actually, I think they’re really bad dressers first, evil second, and girls third,” Spice Girl corrected. “And don’t
even
get me started on their makeup.”
    “I don’t care how evil or badly dressed they are,” Boom Boy argued. “I don’t hit girls!”
    Boom Boy was suddenly swept off his feet by Bunni’s telekinetic powers and slammed against the wall. The dry wall cracked from the impact. Boom Boy let out a pained grunt and fell to the floor.
    “Boom Boy!” Spelling Beatrice cried out. She readied four
L
Scrabble tiles in one hand and two
R
tiles in the other.
    Boom Boy slowly rose to one knee, his teeth still clenched in pain. “I may not hit girls,” he said in an unsteady voice, “but I didn’t say anything about not blowing them up!”
    Boom Boy leaped into action. Actually, he stood and balled his fists. His cheeks trembled as his face turned red. “Blow you ...to the... moon,” he grunted through clenched teeth.
    “Maaa pam pam mamama!” Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy shouted as he charged his Hamster Ball of Justice toward Kiki.
    Spice Girl pulled out all the stops and launched a curry-and-black-pepper attack, causing Candi to sneeze like a giant runny nose in a hay fever factory.
    Candi retaliated by shooting deadly icicles from her hands. They rocketed across the living room and sliced up Spice Girl’s Spandex outfit like a wasabi-crazed chef in an all-you-can eat sushi bar.
    “Ooo! I just got this back from the dry cleaners!” Spice Girl shouted, and let loose with cilantro and paprika. “Smell
this
!”
    Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy’s Giant Hamster Ball of Justice Bowling Ball Blitzkrieg on Kiki ended abruptly when Bunni used her telekinetic powers to bounce him between the floor and the ceiling like a giant, human Ping-Pong ball. “Ma — Pam — Mam — Pa — Ma — Mmm!” he shouted and half-grunted with each impact.
    Spelling Beatrice hurled her
L
tiles. They hit Bunni and let out an electrical shock, breaking her concentration. The Hamster Ball of Justice fell to the ground, but it was too late. Boy-in-the-Plastic-Bubble Boy slid down the concave side of his hamster ball. “Maaaaa...,” he groaned as he fell unconscious.
    The next thing I knew, Candi had encased Boom Boy in an ice block and Spelling Beatrice, Spice Girl, and I were on the run.
    “Hide under the bed! Hide