The Case of the Bone-Stalking Monster by John R. Erickson Read Free Book Online

guessed that it belonged to some kind of hound dog, either a basset or a beagle.
    I finished up the SEF procedure, scratched up some gravel with my front paws (that gravel scratch­ing seems to help “set” or “fix” the Encod­ing Fluid), and turned my full attention to the tres­passer in the pickup.
    I broke the long icy silence. “You seem to be staring at me, fella. Is there some reason for that?”

    â€œWell, I was just a-wondering what you were doing down there, I guess, is why I was staring. Are you wettin’ down the tires?”
    â€œIt may appear that’s what I’m doing, but in fact of actuality, it’s quite a bit more complicated than that.”
    â€œOh. Well, I probably wouldn’t understand it then. I’m kind of slow.”
    â€œHmmm, yes.” I had already picked up that clue, that he was “slow,” to use his word, and suddenly I had the feeling that . . . “Say, pal, haven’t we met before?”
    â€œYup, sure have. Name’s Ralph. They call me Dogpound Ralph ’cause I stay at the dog pound. You visited me twice at the pound.”
    I began pacing. “Yes, of course. It’s all coming back to me now. Don’t you see what this means? You’re Dogpound Ralph!”
    â€œWell . . . that’s what I thought.”
    â€œYes, yes, of course. I knew I’d seen you before: your face, the mournful eyes, the drooping jowls. They all add up to YOU, Ralph, and they will never add up to anyone else.”
    â€œGood. I reckon.”
    â€œYou might recall, Ralph, that I’m the guy who broke you out of prison and saved you from a miserable existence as a jailbird.”
    â€œYup, either that or I broke you out, ’cause you had just eat a bar of soap.”
    â€œNo, you’re wrong, Ralph. I had been poisoned by my enemies. They had plotted to poison me with a deadly hydrophobia virus.”
    â€œIt was soap, ya dope. Your sister fed you soap ’cause you wouldn’t take a hint and go home.”
    Would I just stand there and take this kind of insult from a jailbird dog who was trespassing on my ranch?
    You’ll soon find out.

Chapter Eight: Miss Scamper Falls Madly in Love with Me

    W e glared at each other for several seconds. Then I broke the icing and walked a few steps away.
    â€œOkay, Ralph, have it your way. So what brings you down here?”
    He began scratching his left ear with his left hind leg. I waited. He was a slow scratcher.
    â€œMe and Jimmy Joe Dogcatcher are going to camp out at the lake and fish all night.”
    My eyes fell on two fishing rods in the cab. “Hmm, yes, that fits.”
    He stopped scratching and looked at me. “Did you ask was I having fits?”
    â€œNo, I did not. I said, ‘that fits.’”
    â€œOh. I thought . . . can’t hear so good when I’m scratchin’.” He went back to scratching. “Did I mention that there’s a lady dog in that white pickup?”
    My eyes popped open. Suddenly I was wide awake. “What? A lady dog? You mean I’ve been listening to you all this time and there’s a lady dog only fifty feet away?”
    â€œUh-huh. I wanted to talk to her, only I’m too bashful. I’m always afraid they’ll laugh at my long ears.”
    I studied his long ears. “They are pretty long, tee hee, aren’t they? I mean, I have nothing against long ears, Ralph, but those may be the, ha, ha, longest ears I ever saw.”
    He heaved a deep mournful sigh. “See? That’s why I can’t talk to the girls. We’d just end up talking about my big ears.”
    â€œThose are definitely some amazing ears, Ralph. Do you ever step on them when you walk?”
    â€œUh-huh, all the time. It’s pretty embarrassing.”
    â€œI’ll bet. Well!” I leaped to my feet. “I’ll march over to that pickup and give you a few lessons on how to impress