The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle Read Free Book Online Page A

to meet your expectations. In fact, chances are he’ll take you somewhere besides Greenland on vacation if he knows you’d rather be in a bikini on deck.
    The more you relinquish control and respect your husband’s thinking, the more powerful and masculine he will feel. Your faithgives him added strength and reminds him who he is and that he wants to take care of you and ensure your delight.
    If he feels disrespected, his natural instinct to provide, protect, and adore his wife is derailed. When a wife respects her husband, he naturally responds with more confidence in himself and gratitude for his wife. This makes him cherish her more, and spend more time and effort memorizing the things that make her happy.
    B E THE VIP I NSTEAD OF THE C HAUFFEUR

    T he scariest part about surrendering to your husband is that it may seem like you’re never going to get your way, but just the opposite is true.
    When you give up
unnecessary
control of things your husband does—how he drives, what he wears, what he does at work, how he loads the dishwasher—you actually gain power in the relationship and in your life. Doing all the work is not what makes you powerful—it’s what makes you exhausted. On the other hand, relaxing and enjoying yourself while someone else takes care of things is a very powerful position to be in. Certainly the VIP who rides in the limousine is more powerful than the chauffeur who controls the vehicle. Here are two more situations that illustrate this idea:
    Toni is overwhelmed with doing everything around the house, going to work, taking care of the kids, and trying to make ends meet when she pays the bills. She has to nag her husband to do things for her, but when he forgets, she frequently ends up doing them herself. Toni lets her husband know how everything should be done, but he can never seem to get it right. Although Tonidoesn’t realize it, her husband is on the verge of having an affair with a coworker who admires him.
    Barbara is also busy taking care of kids, but her husband earns most of the income and pays all of the bills for the family, so she doesn’t worry about that. She often asks her husband for help and relinquishes tasks that are stressful for her. Recently he attended a parent-teacher conference for their son (to relieve Barbara of the chore when she said she found the teacher contentious). Barbara rarely tells her husband what to do, but he is always thinking of things to please her. Although Barbara doesn’t realize it, her husband is buying her a diamond anniversary ring.
    Toni is staying in control of everything to avoid being a victim. Barbara is relinquishing control to her husband so she can relax more. Who do you think has the most power? Which one would you rather be?
    P RESURRENDERING N EGOTIATIONS

    â€œThe only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.”
    â€”MARGO KAUFMAN
    P ut yourself in the room with the following conversations John and I had before I surrendered. Most of them took place in our living room at times when we could have been relaxing together, reading the paper or playing. Instead, this is how our discussions went:
    E XAMPLE 1: G IFT FOR A F RIEND
    H IM :   I gotta get a present for Steve for Christmas.
    M E :   Do you have to? He didn’t get you a present last year!
    H IM :   Well, I want to.
    M E :   We don’t have much cash right now, so don’t spend more than $20. Do you have to get him something?
    H IM :   Well … maybe something little.
    M E :   I know, what if I bake cookies and we give him some in a tin?
    H IM :   Yeah, okay.
    M E :   Let’s do that.
    E XAMPLE 2: P AINTING THE H OUSE
    M E :   We’ve got to get the house painted. I think we should get started on it today.
    H IM :   I don’t think so. I hadn’t really thought about it and I was going to do some other things today. Maybe we could