The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle Read Free Book Online

you think,” he will feel the full weight of the task on his shoulders and probably even some fear. He will think more seriously about the task before deciding whether he wants to take it on.
    T HE M AGIC OF G RATITUDE

    â€œTry to want what you have, instead of spending your strength trying to get what you want.”
    â€”ABRAHAM L. FEINBERG
    B ut what if he says or does something really stupid, then what do I do?”
    â€œBut what if I completely disagree with him?”
    â€œBut what if I know I’m right and he’s wrong?”
    If you’re like me, you probably think that these are the situations in which you can make an exception and maintain control.
    Nope.
    Instead, they are the times when you especially need to surrender.
    When you find yourself desperate to steer your husband’s actions, consider your choices: Either you hold your tongue and preserve harmony or you speak critically and create a chasm of resentment and resistance. Once you speak the first note of discord he will distance himself from you. Contradicting is sure to exasperate him and cause a great divide. If you are condescending (and telling your husband what to do is always condescending), you will have to endure his aloofness and sulking afterwards.
    If you keep quiet, keep breathing, and remind yourself that this too shall pass, the one stress you won’t have is a marital problem. What a relief!
    When your spouse appalls you, keep in mind that you married a capable, loyal, hard-working, dependable man. When things go wrong as a result of your husband’s decisions, remember that he is learning. Next time, he’ll probably invest more carefully or have the kids wear kneepads or hire a professional. If you don’t make a big deal about his mistakes, he’ll begin to take initiative in every area.
    Isn’t that what you’ve always wanted? Somebody who had his own ideas and acted on them?
    T HE D ISTRESS T EST

    â€œWe are most deeply asleep at the switch when we fancy we control any switches at all.”
    â€”ANNIE DILLARD
    T he only time you might disagree with what your husband thinks is if he wants you to do something that would requireyou to sacrifice your emotional or physical well-being. If he thinks you should hike in the desert heat, and you know this will cost you dearly in terms of emotional balance and physical health, then you must simply say, “I can’t.” If your doctor prescribes medication that keeps you vital and your husband thinks you should give it up and try a homeopathic remedy, you can tell him that doesn’t fit for you. If your husband thinks you should work full-time and you would be devastated to be away from your children for so long, then don’t do it. Conversely, if your husband thinks you should be a full-time mom and you know it would drive you mad to be home all the time, then don’t do that either.
    The way to tell if a situation falls into this category is to ask yourself if you will feel serious physical or emotional distress as a result. If he thinks the two of you should go whaling in Greenland and it’s not your favorite idea for a holiday, then you’d want to go along with your husband because there are no serious emotional or physical consequences. Do you see the difference? The holiday is not ideal for you, but it doesn’t threaten your well-being. The key point is that you are not controlling him: You are looking at yourself and your own limitations.
    Typically though, when a wife is surrendering, her husband doesn’t ask her to do things that he suspects will make her uncomfortable or unhappy. A surrendered wife usually only needs to say what she wants or doesn’t want to win her mate’s agreement, because treating a man respectfully brings out his natural tendency to treasure his wife. When he realizes he has your full faith and trust, he will not want to let you down, and will feel a fierce responsibility