The Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby by Elsie McCormick Read Free Book Online Page A

on porch while amah pulled out her front hair with string and patted pieces of black court plaster on forehead for headache. Papa came home for tiffin and Auntie asked him if he was going in for any kind of spring athletics.
    â€œNo,” said papa. “I get plenty of exercise sprinting into the house after paying a ricsha coolie, so as to arrive ahead of the row. I used to be a shark at baseball, but I haven’t any time to practice.”
    â€œYou are still good at catching high-balls,” said mama. Papa said he was glad to hear mama admit that he was good at something. Rest of tiffin quiet except for soup.
    Papa remarked later after finding coolie brushing bureau with silk shirt that he was sorry ratepayers wouldn’t allow Municipal Council to build the $10,000 monkey-house in Jessfield Park, as he would like to contribute new upstairs coolie and might also be persuaded to part with house-boy.
May fourteenth
    Had ride to Hongkew Park. No sign of Jap baby. Hope it is walking back to Japan.
May fifteenth
    Nice day. Family excited because I said “Mama.” Was really trying to say “Amah” but can’t make family understand my language. Papa said that mama had better pay a little more attention to me when I begin to talk.
    What about my bridge parties? asked mama.
    â€œTeach the baby to score and then you can take him with you,” said papa. “If he stays in the back of the house all the time, he will learn to swear in Chinese.”
    â€œYes, and if he stays in the front of the house, he will learn to swear in English,” said mama, looking at papa. Papa said that he guessed he had a right to say something when he found that houseboy had put flypaper in bureau drawer to keep moths away from golf-socks.
May fifteenth, later
    Sat on floor while family read paper. Auntie asked meaning of “P.P.C.” which she had seen in corner of friend’s card.
    â€œI’ve heard that it means ‘Please Postpone Chits’,” said mama.
    â€œI’ve also known cases where it stood for ‘Payment Permanently Cancelled’,” papa remarked.
    Mama said family would have to send steamer present to friends and suggested basket of flowers.
    â€œYes,” said papa. “People in a state-room so small that they have to sleep with their hats on because they have no place to put them always appreciate a basket of flowers. Besides, it is such a comfort when you have 31½ pieces of hand luggage to have a kind friend rush up and make it 32½.”
    Mama remarked that she might send box of candy, only friend would not appreciate it after the first day out. “I’ll look around the house and try to find something that I don’t use very often and wouldn’t miss much,” mama said.
    â€œWhy not send them the baby?” papa inquired.
    No more remarks about present. Papa said later that maybe friends would not appreciate family coming to see them off, as many people preferred to stay inside tender until it got too far away from jetty for shroffs to jump.
May sixteenth
    Amah bought me new black rubber thing today. Thought I was getting chow, but found out it was bluff. Disappointed to find no connection. Wonder if they think they are really fooling me. Wouldn’t hold it in Hongkew Park, as didn’t want Jap baby to think I was being taken in.
May seventeenth
    Pleasant weather. Auntie said this morning that Cyril had invited her to go to lecture on “Theory of Relativity.”
    â€œDo you know what that is?” she asked mama.
    â€œI don’t know for certain, but I think it is about how to get along with your relatives,” mama said.
    Hope they all go. Maybe they’ll learn more about getting along with Me.
May eighteenth
    Had pleasant trip to Hongkew Park. Rubber thing fell out of perambulator. Hoped I had lost it, but amah picked it up again.
    Flavor of Hongkew Park not as good as Public Garden. Later came home and