The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant by Drew Hayes Read Free Book Online

than chipper to learn one of their agents is dating a vampire,” I said, sitting down in the chair set catty-corner to the couch.
    “Of course they know. I reported it in before we even went out. No cares about that though. They just wouldn’t pony up to pay the long distance charges,” she said.
    “They don’t care that you’re dating a vampire?” I don’t think I did a very good job keeping the shock out of my voice.
    “Nope, that would be discriminatory. We work hard to maintain good relationships with all parahuman communities, and that includes Undead Americans,” she explained.
    “You must be making this up.”
    “Totally serious. There are equal rights laws, a set up voting system, even tax benefits to hiring Undead Americans if you run a business. It’s a big, wide world, Freddy. You should really leave your little bat cave sometime and go see it. You’d be surprised at some of the things out there,” Krystal said, getting up from the couch and coming over to my chair. She set herself gently on my lap. “For example, you could come out with me tonight. We could go to a greasy diner, pick up some decent beer, maybe take in a midnight showing at a movie theatre and not pay attention to what’s on the screen.”
    “I, uh . . . um . . . yes . . . well . . . ” Being a vampire grants you many things. A sudden burst of intuition and confidence with the opposite sex sitting directly on top of you is sadly not one of them.
    Krystal laughed. “Glad to see you still get flustered so easily. It was always one of your more adorable traits. So, you want to come?”
    “Well . . . ahem . . . I suppose I have almost caught up on tonight’s work . ”
    “Great!” Krystal hopped from my lap and pulled me up with her. “It’ll be tons of fun. Just you, and me, and the city at night.” She began unlocking my door and pulling it open. “There’s just one little thing I have to stop and do while we’re out. Quick errand, won’t take a minute.” With that she unlatched the final lock and all but bounced out the door.
    “What kind of errand?” I asked as I hurried to catch up, stopping outside to lock all of the bolts.  She paid no attention to me though, galloping down the hallway and out into the parking lot.
    “Krystal?” I called as I finished locking and moved briskly out into the parking lot. “I’m serious. Where are we going? What kind of errand?”

2.
    “Welcome, everyone, and thank you for coming to this week’s Black Banshee Role Playing Game.” The speaker was young, maybe sixteen or seventeen, wearing what had to be a suit from the 1950’s and sporting glasses and a haircut that matched. He moved with a strange confidence; then again, perhaps it was just strange because it was confidence of any kind in this setting.
    Scattered around me were a variety of people, ranging in age from the frequent teenager to the more elusive adult. Most were wearing somewhat elaborate costumes. Many of them sported fake fangs and were wearing makeup in order to pale their skin, a few wore heavily furred gloves and wolf masks, and there was even one person who looked to have stolen his ghost-sheet costume straight out of Charlie Brown.
    “As all of you should know, my name is Neil, and I will be your Game Master this evening. Now, since all of you registered your characters beforehand, my assistant Albert will be working the table near the front. We do ask that you check in, take your badge, and keep it somewhere visible all night long. Your badge identifies your character name, race, and what faction you belong to, if any. I’ll remind those of you who are new to our LARP, any information on the badge that is in black is considered general knowledge, and information on the badge that is in red is known only to those of you in the same race. Gaining that information will have to happen through interaction, so please, no metagaming. Albert will also hand you our general rules sheet, so check in as soon