The Year I Went Pear-Shaped by Tamara Pitelen Read Free Book Online

world except me and that packet of biscuits, or container of ice cream. The problem was, and every addict will tell you this, as soon as I came down back to planet Earth when the last bite had been swallowed, reality rushed back bringing with it even more guilt and self-disgust. What else was there to do but start eating again?

Chapter 6: ‘My Boyfriend has Sex with Fruit’
     
    “Are we interested in a girl with cervical cancer for a real life story?” Mands asked Naomi.
    “Hmmm, maybe, it's not very glam though, is it? Is she pretty?”
    “Yeah, gorgeous. Thin. Blonde.”
    “Then yes as long as she’s really sick with proper cervical cancer, and not just the boring old laser-treatable, common-as-muck variety. But try and find some sexy angle. And get photographs, the scarier the better. It would be good if you could get ones of her in hospital with tubes coming out her arms and "hair falling out from the chemo" shots” said Naomi, not even looking up as she finished typing an email.
    “Yep, sure. It’s a fantastic story though Nomes. Her name’s Fiona and she was given six months to live just days after announcing her engagement to the love of her life! This guy called Dan who is drop-dead, cream-your-knickers gorgeous. She sent me a photo of the two of them on holiday in the Greek Islands; anyway, they’re supposed to be getting married in nine months. It’s a great story either way. If she lives we can go with the ‘true love helped me beat cancer’ angle; but if she doesn’t then we can really tug at the old heart strings with the old ‘she bravely fought but lost and look at the stunning man she left behind who can’t believe he’s lost his angel’ type of thing.”
    “Ok Mands, it sounds great,” Naomi said, “but get the whole interview and photo shoot in the bag as soon as possible just in case she pops off sooner than expected, ok? Now, what about you, Darl? How’s that Dr Ramswell story coming on?
    “Well, I’ve spoken to the publicist for Love On The Wards, some chick called Trina Barnes, she said she’d ask Gordon if he was up for it and get back to me by this afternoon at the latest.”
    “Good. I'm sure he"ll do it. That tragic little show needs all the help it can get. Lets face it, it’s nothing but scowling teens with bad skin who spend all their time breaking up with each other in milk bars, and ridiculous adults with fatal diseases.”
    Naomi believed that daytime TV was only for the weak-minded, lazy and infirm. Although sometimes she’d watch Jerry Springer in order to get story ideas for the mag. Thanks to Jerry, we’ve run stories like ‘I became a prostitute to pay for a designer wedding cake" and "my boyfriend has sex with fruit". The important stuff.
    At that point Katerina butted in, as it had been at least two minutes she'd said anything. I mentally started counting down, ‘one Mississippi, two Mississippi’...
    "Oooh I just loooove that show, I tape it every day so that me and Hugo can watch it together over dinner. It's sooo much better than having to watch the boring old news..."
    Three Mississippi. Right on the nail as usual. Kat had the amazing talent of being able to bring any subject of conversation under the sun back to her and Hugo within three seconds. It leaves me in awe. Before I got bored with it, I used to test her by introducing the most outlandish topic and timing her, like "hey Kat, Hitler was a vegetarian you know". She came back with, "mmm, I knew that ‘cause Hugo's grandparents are Austrian and they mentioned it once over dinner at their place, Hugo’s Nana makes the best apple strudel ever! Not that I’ve actually eaten it though, it's waaay too fattening, I told him that I'd never fit into those gorgeous Bettina Liano jeans that he's just bought me if he kept bringing his Gran's strudel home! But he said I had nothing to worry about and that I had the best butt of all his girlfriends, he's so sweet...’
    She didn't stop there but by