Undead and Unemployed by MaryJanice Davidson Read Free Book Online

then I had to… well, never mind…"
    "Suck blood from a would-be mugger?"
    "Would-be rapist, but never
mind
, I said. I swear, the bad guys in this city are such idiots. When they see me throw their buddy ten feet, why do they assume I can't do the same thing to them? Anyway. Then I came home to the termite report."
    "It's probably just as well," Jessica said with a mouthful of toast. I shook crumbs out of my eyes as she continued, "It's not like you were in love with this house. Maybe it's time for some new digs."
    I didn't say anything, but I gave it some thought. I'd had the house for years… since I flunked out of college. My dad consoled me with a check for twenty thousand dollars, and I used it to put a hefty down payment on my little three-bedroom cottage. I'd outgrown the place years ago, but was too lazy to go through the work of selling and upgrading.
    "I've got some thoughts about that," she continued, taking a swallow of my tea. "You own the house free and clear, right?"
    "You know I do," I replied, exasperated. "You're the one who paid off the mortgage when I died."
    "Right, slipped my mind."
    "Sure it did."
    "Well, I vote we get my bug fella to spray. Then we list the house for pretty cheap. In this economy, in this suburb—"
    "Oh, here goes your anti-Apple Valley rant."
    "I'm sorry, I just think towns without a personality are lame," she said with the full snobbery of a twenty-nine-year-old billionaire. "It doesn't even have a real downtown. It exists because of Minneapolis. Bo-ring."
    "Snot." I
liked
Apple Valley. If I wanted to go to the grocery store and the movie theater and get a hair cut and have a pancake breakfast and grab the latest J. D. Robb, I could do it all within the same half mile… and most of it in the same strip mall. "Big-city snot."
    She tipped her fingers at me—the nails were painted lime green, I noticed with a shudder—in a mock salute. "Anyway, I figure we could get one-fifty for it, easy. Even with termite damage. And we turn around and use it to put a down payment on something more fitting for our needs."
    "
Our
needs?"
    "I'm getting rid of my apartment. Marc and I talked about it, and we agreed I should move in, too."
    "Did I miss another memo?"
    "No, just a meeting. We had it during the daytime."
    "I wish you'd stop doing that," I grumbled. I thought about protesting, but Jess was over here so often, she'd practically moved in, anyway. I figured I knew why, too. My death had really shaken her up. She didn't like letting me out of her sight anymore.
    And what did I care? The more the merrier. Ever since I found out monsters really do exist, I hadn't been crazy about coming home to an empty house.
    "So we're agreed? We'll fumigate, list the house, and find something a little bigger. Don't worry about a thing, Bets. Marc and I will house-hunt during the day."
    I drank my tea.
    "Bets?"
    "What, you want my approval? I'm just the figurehead."
    "Well, that's true."
    "But you're sure cute," Marc teased. "Even if your Macy's name tag is upside down."
     
    A few nights later, I woke up to a world of sky blue. I had a moment of total confusion—had I fallen asleep outside? Then I realized Marc had written a note on a Post-It and stuck it to my forehead while I slept. Bastard.
    Supervamp: We accepted the offer on the house, and Jessica's found us a new place. Meet us at 607 Summit Ave, 10:00 p.m . to check out the new digs.
     
    Oh, Lord, what did she do? I crumpled the note in my fist. Summit Avenue? I did
not
like the sound of that.
    I looked around my room. There were six empty boxes stacked neatly in the corner. An unsubtle hint to pack.
    I showered, changed clothes, and brushed my teeth. I had no idea if other vampires still brushed their teeth, and I didn't care. Think of the morning breath of someone who drank blood for supper! I flossed, too. And used mouthwash, although the sharp medicine-mint smell was enough to make me gag.
    I was getting ready to walk out the door (after