Vita Sexualis by Ōgai Mori Read Free Book Online

taught. That was because my father thought he would let me specialize in mining.
    Since the school was too far for me to commute to from Mukojima, my father had me lodge in the home of the famous Professor Azuma, who lived in Ogawacho in Kanda, and from this house I went off to school everyday.
    Having just returned from abroad, the professor was very particular about his diet, but with the exception of having plenty of meat at mealtimes, he was not especially extravagant. Only in drinking did he let himself go. It was after he returned from his office and had completed his translating at ten or eleven at night that he drank. His wife seemed to me to be heroic. Now that I think about it, it's rare among high public officials these days to see a family governed by such domestic bliss. It was wonderful that my father had placed me in a fine home.
    During the time I lived at Professor Azuma's, I was never pressured by sexual desires. If I force myself to trace back those memories, I can recall only this event: My study was located between the parlor and the kitchen. One day the maid had not yet come in to light my lamp even though it was already dark outside. I suddenly stood up and went toward the kitchen. There I discovered the houseboy and maid talking. He was explaining to her something like the following: A woman's machinery can be put to use at any time. It can go into operation without any relation to feelings. A man's machinery is at times serviceable, at times not. If a man takes a fancy to something, his machinery springs forward. If he feels something distasteful, it gives a poor showing. The maid was listening with crimson ears. Disgusted, I returned to my room.
    My lessons at school did not seem very difficult. Since I had studied English under my father's instruction, I had been using a dictionary by a man named Adler. It was in two volumes, one German-English, the other English-German. Whenever I was bored, I would amuse myself by looking up such a word as member and then finding its equivalent Zeugungslied or by looking up the word pudenda and finding Scham. But it was not because such words were interesting enough to have any effect on my sexual desires that I amused myself in this way. I found myself fascinated by such words simply as hidden expressions which could not be used in public. That is why I remember looking up the word Furz at the same time I had looked up the word fart. One day our teacher, a German, was instructing us in introductory chemistry and demonstrating how to make hydrogen sulfide. He asked us if we knew any substance which contained this gas. One of the students answered, "faule Eier." Certainly rotten eggs do have this same sort of smell. He asked us if we knew any others. Standing up, I shouted out, "Furz!"
    "Was? Bitte, noch einmal!"
    "Furz!"
    Finally our teacher understood, his face turning red. He was kind enough to instruct me not to use this type of word.
    Our school had its own dormitory. After classes were over, I dropped in to look around. It was there that I first heard about sodomy. My classmate, Kagenokoji, who came to school everyday on horseback, was the object of the tender passions of dormitory students who could not have girls they could love. He was not able to do well in his lessons at school. He was a handsome boy with a plump, pale reddish face. That the word "boy" had the meaning of being an object for sodomy was something I had not known before. The student who had asked me to drop into the dorm on my way back home was also looking upon me as a "boy." The first two or three times I stopped, he offered me some refreshment and apparently wanted only to talk in a friendly way. He treated me to parched beans and baked sweet potatoes, called respectively at that time by the students "confetti" and "jellied bean paste." From the beginning, though, I felt his kindness was a little too tenacious, so I didn't like it, yet fearing to be impolite to a senior, I merely