Welcome to My Jungle by Craig Duswalt Read Free Book Online

with the band.
    Just as we sometimes used decoys to stand in for Axl, we also used decoy limos. When we left a concert we used two limos, one with Axl and us, and a much nicer limo with the driver by himself. We figured that people would assume Axl was in the nicer limo. Sometimes we took a van or a regular car back to the hotel while the beautiful limo in front of us had no one in it. It was worth the extra expense.
    When the nice limo pulled up to the front door of the hotel, the fans attacked it thinking Axl was going to get out. While that melee took place we calmly had our driver take us around to the side door or the loading dock, and we walked into the hotel unscathed.
    Sometimes we’d go to the lobby and watch the driver of the decoy limo in front of the hotel as he tried to convince thousands of people that Axl was not in his limo. Not a pretty sight, but very humorous.
    This particular night there were hundreds of fans waiting for Axl to arrive back at the hotel after an amazing show. But because it was only about fifteen feet from the limo to the front door of the hotel lobby, we figured we would take our chances. There were protocols we followed in these situations, and we took them very seriously. Unfortunately, Axl never listened to these protocols.
    We pulled up to the hotel and because we’re really smart, we told the driver to pull around to the side of the hotel so we could get out there after Earl “cleared” the area.
    Earl is an ex-NFL player. He can clear an area.
    We pulled up to the side of the hotel, and within seconds the hundreds of fans from the front of the hotel surrounded our limo. Europeans are very fast. Even Earl couldn’t clear this area. We needed help.
    At that point, “protocol” was for Earl to get on the walkie-talkie and summon help. Because the tour was very high security, we all carried walkie-talkies 24/7. If we needed help it would literally be there in seconds. This was very comforting and very helpful on numerous occasions. So we knew that as soon as Earl got on the walkie-talkie, within seconds, we would have the place cleared by our team of very large bodyguards with booming voices and we would calmly walk into the hotel, to our rooms, and straight to bed.
    Didn’t happen.
    On this night, out of nowhere, as we sat in our safe limo, surrounded by hundreds of very “passionate” European fans, we heard the following come from Axl’s mouth:
    “I’m going for it.”
    Seemingly less than a millisecond later, Axl opened his door and leaped into the crowd.
    With that, Earl, Robert, and I looked at one another in horror and yelled, “Damn!” as we jumped out of the limo to try to save Axl, who was engulfed in a sea of Guns N’ Roses fans.
    Imagine a slab of meat surrounded by thousands of piranha. You get the picture.

    The biggest melee to date was taking place and it starred Axl Rose. Our job was to get him out of there, intact, and preferably with his clothes still on his body.
    Earl threw people around, left and right, trying to get to Axl, and Robert and I pushed our way through as well. We were grabbed and scratched, but felt no pain because the adrenalin had kicked in.
    To make matters worse, there were a lot of paparazzi in the melee as well, taking pictures of Axl fighting his way through the crowd. Axl does not like his picture taken.
    So, because we knew that Earl would eventually get to Axl, Robert and I turned our attention on getting the paparazzi “out of the picture.” Most paparazzi are exactly who they are portrayed to be in the news—ruthless, rude, disgusting human beings with no moral compass.
    As soon as we decided to confront the paparazzi, Axl got plowed into by one of the camera-toting dirtbags and fell to the ground. Robert got in Mr. Dirtbag’s face. Axl got up and got in Mr. Dirtbag’s face.
    Then the dirtbag shoved his camera in Robert’s face, and Robert grabbed the camera and smashed it to the ground.
    It was beautiful. Paparazzi boy