Whack Job by Mike Baron Read Free Book Online

over his belt like a feed sack and a gray sports jacket. She hoped he was not another used car salesman.
    Stella rose.
    “This is Tom Blaine, dear, a very dear friend of mine.”
    Blaine was careful not to crush her grip. “Crystal has told me so much about you. I’m only sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.”
    “Pleased to meet you, Tom.”
    Crystal went straight to the bar and mixed Tom a gin and tonic with a curl of lemon. Blaine took the Barcalounger at one end of the sofa, seated at a ninety-degree angle. He wore a diamond pinky ring and a gold chain.
    “Crystal told me about your current client. I know you can’t discuss it, but what a case, huh? Right up there with O.J.”
    Stella shrugged. “I didn’t ask for it. A judge in Virginia requested me. One of Sam’s cronies.”
    Crystal handed Blaine his drink, sat next to Stella and took her hand, which Stella found presumptuous. A little show of family solidarity for the boyfriend.
    Stella could restrain herself no longer. “What do you do, Tom?”
    “I install audio systems,” he said.
    “Tom’s an inventor,” Crystal declared proudly. “Do you know anyone who wants to invest in a surefire hit?”
    Blaine blushed, took a slug of the gin. “Crystal, let’s not bore Stella with my big ideas.”
    “Such as?” Stella said.
    Blaine almost rubbed his hands in delight. “I’ve developed a tiny sound system that can literally replicate the feel, volume, and clarity of a stadium show, include making the earth move. It works on any concave or vibratable object. Would you like a demonstration?”
    “Please,” Stella said.
    Blaine practically leaped to his feet. “I’ve installed a prototype here.”
    “Careful, boy,” Crystal said. “Last time you demonstrated we got complaints from across the lake.”
    Blaine crossed to the credenza beneath an oil painting of buffalo and picked up a small gray device the size of a stick of gum. “This is the memory and amp--you can plug in your iPod of whatever.” He pointed to two tiny metal blossoms in one corner, ground level and at two meters, the same in another corner. “These are your speakers. They use the ninety degree angle between walls to amplify sound.”
    He pushed a button on the unit and “Bohemian Rhapsody” poured forth like an avalanche.
    “SCARAMOUCHE SCARAMOUCHE…”
    It was so loud Stella clapped her hands to her ears and watched the glass in the windows vibrate.
    “TURN IT DOWN!” Crystal shrieked in a fight announcer’s voice.
    Grinning, Blaine turned it down to a throbbing pulse that Stella felt in her calves.
    “Wow,” she said. “I’m impressed.”
    “That’s not all. What about the dog toys, Tom? He invested in that local company that makes dog toys out of recycled water bottles, oh what’s their name?”
    “Rubber Biscuit. I sold my shares last year, but yes, that’s one example.”
    “Tom discovered that every health club and karate shop has literally hundreds of abandoned plastic water bottles. Tom recycles them into unbreakable dog toys. He’s really quite ingenious.”
    Why the hard sell, Stella wondered. She must be planning to marry him.
    “Tom was a star college quarterback, dear.”
    “I was a linebacker.”
    Crystal rose. “Excuse me, I’ve got to check on something in the kitchen. We’ll eat soon.”
    “Do you need any help, Crystal?” Stella automatically asked.
    “No. You two just sit and chat.”
    The sun dipped below the mountains.
    “How much money do you need?” Stella said.
    “A mil to get started.”
    “I was very impressed. I doubt you’ll have any trouble finding the funds.” He probably already found the funds, right in the house.
    “Well we’ll see. Crystal tells me you’re a shooter.”
    “Sam wanted a boy.”
    “I’m sorry I never met him,” Blaine said.
    Crystal bustled around the dining room in the background. They heard the clink of silverware and china.
    “Come on, dears!” Crystal sang. “Dinner is