Why Me? by Neil Forsyth Read Free Book Online

to the Hospital at all. Look just send me your banking information and I will arrange this transfer for you and you do not have to come to Ghana. You must just send me $2000 to allow the transfer, OK? That is easier.
    Kind Regards,
    Kenny
    ----------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Kenny Wilson
    Subject: Parking Space
    Kenny,
    Well that’s me back from the hospital. Where to begin? I’ll give you the good news first, starting with the uniform which was fine. Standard stuff, white trousers and long coat, pens in the top pocket. No problems there at all. Next up, lunch and no problems there either. Unfortunately you have to buy your own but I had a look at the canteen prices and they’re heavily subsidised. I used to be in the cheeseburger van game and, believe me, no-one’s getting rich off these prices.
    That’s the good news. The bad news, in fact the real Hiroshima news, is car parking. They told me they’d allocated you a space so I went out to the car park and from the moment I saw it something just didn’t sit right with me. I don’t know what kind of car you drive, Kenny, but to the naked eye your car park space looks barely usable. I have taken a photo and added a can of coke to give scope. What do you think? A bit tight?
    Yours,
    Bob

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    NO REPLY

    14 See The Dundee Courier , 1 April 1 2011: ‘Dundee Royal Infirmary “Overwhelmed” by Fool’s Day victims’ and The Dundee Courier , 2 April 2011: ‘Dundee Divorce Lawyers See “Staggering’ Spike” . (‘All I’d ask him is “Was it really worth it?” said one middle-aged woman whose right foot had been crudely superglued to a metal bucket’).
    15 See The Dundee Courier , 3 April 2011: ‘Patients Fury at Royal Infi rmary’s “Pyjama Timeshare” Scheme’ . (‘“I got afternoons,” complained one patient. “Who on earth wants afternoons?”‘).

5
Bob’s Phone Number
    From: Mike Christopher
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: A proposal
    Dear Sir/Madam,
    My name is Barrister Michael Christopher, a Senior Advocate and legal consultant in practice here in the Cook Islands. My client suffered a terrible violent death life alongside with his wife in a Beirut-bound charter jet plane crashed on the Monday, 9th January 2006, 12:12 GMT (details on Internet if required).
    Prior to his death my client secured a contract worth millions of US dollars from the kingdom of Bahrain. As his personal lawyer and close confidant, all my efforts to locate any of his relatives whom i can present as next of kin has proved abortive. Therefore I am seeking for your consent to present you as next of kin and subsequently the benefi ciary of the fund. I will initiate this process towards a conclusion if you give me positive signals. I wait to hear from you.
    Yours faithfully,
    Mike Christopher
    ----------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Mike Christopher
    Subject: You’re at it!
    Mike,
    The Cook Islands? You must think I’m stupid. Where do you live, Frying Pan City?
    Give up.
    Your Servant,
    Bob Servant
    ----------------
    From: Mike Christopher
    To: Bob Servant
    Subject: The Cook islands
    Dear Bob Servant,
    What is this you are saying? The Cook Islands are recognised province. Do you want to act as next of kin? The commission is very kind.
    Yours faithfully,
    Mike Christopher
    ----------------
    From: Bob Servant
    To: Mike Christopher
    Subject: I hold my hands up
    Barrister Christopher,
    I have just had a look at my atlas and would like to apologise, as the Red Indians say, ‘with reservations’. 16 I accept that the Cook Islands exist but I am also nervous about meeting new people from the Internet. I am an elderly man and also have a good few quid (don’t tell the wife!) (I don’t have a wife) and this makes me a target for likely lads and chancers such as this bunch below. They might be housewives’ favourites, Christopher, but