Willie's Redneck Time Machine by John Luke Robertson Read Free Book Online Page B

stops.
    Sirens are going off, and when you eventually stand up, you see one thing flashing across all the screens in the room (and there are lots of them):
    2038
    It looks like that’s a year. Yeah, you’re smart to notice stuff like that.
    You try to get your bearings. You feel the shrimp po’boy sandwich rumbling around in your stomach. Maybe you shouldn’t have had that along with those fried pickles.
    But how can anybody resist the fried pickles? Come on, now.
    So maybe you’re in a time machine.
    Maybe you’re supposed to embark on some great adventure. It’s not enough that you’re a secret agent (and nobody knows about that)   —
    Oh, wait; that’s another story.
    You get to the door, and it opens easily. So you step out, unsure what you’ll discover.
    You find you’re in another restroom. This one happens to be in a Walmart store. You’re heading to the exit when something catches your eye. It’s the store logo.
    Duck Commander has done lots of business with Walmart over the years, so you know its logo well. But this . . . this isn’t it.
    There’s a W and an A side by side.
    Right underneath it, you see the word Walmazon .
    What in the world?
    You spot the customer service desk and swing by it.
    “So what’s with Walmazon?” you ask.
    The girl behind the desk looks confused.
    “When did it change from Walmart?”
    “From what?” the young girl says.
    Someone else comes up behind her. It’s an older man with lots of gray hair around the sides of his head.
    “That was like . . . like in about 2020 or ’21. That’s going back old-school. Yeah, the big merger between Walmart and Amazon. Basically changed shopping as we know it.”
    You should have seen that one coming! You nod and thank the man.
    “Hey   —nice look. I remember that family. Who were they again? The Robinsons?”
    You’re not sure if he’s trying to be funny.
    “Robertsons,” you say.
    “Oh yeah. Something about ducks and stuff, right?”
    You nod again and leave the desk.
    That was weird.
    You step out of Walmazon and wonder what you’re supposed to do. Shopping in the future sure doesn’t sound like an adventure to you.
    A tiny red car with big wheels pulls up to the curb. It’s round, and you’re not sure you can even fit into it. A man with glasses and a goatee is driving. He’s wearing a bow tie and one of those blazers that surely has elbow patches on it.
    “Hey, Dad,” the man says. “Get in.”
    You look for a moment before you recognize the face.
    John Luke?
    “I know. It’s crazy, huh? I’m forty-two years old. The same age as you.”
    Now you really study him. “Love the jacket. And the whole look.”
    “Come on,” John Luke says.
    His voice is lower than you’re used to.
    “How did you know   —?”
    “Because you told me in the past to be watching for you today.”
    You think for a minute. “But how does that work? Did I come back from the future to tell you that? Or did my past self journey to the future to tell you?”
    “Remember when there was such a thing as texting?” John Luke says through the window. “Imagine sending a text to me in 2038.”
    “So it really is 2038?”
    He nods. “Come on. I’ll show you around. Lots of things have changed.”

    Do you get in the minicar? Go here .
    Do you run back into Walmazon and try to get in the time machine again? Go here .

1990

    SO YOUR WIFE and your son are out there on the dance floor, but only one of them knows the truth.
    Looks like Korie thinks John Luke is me . . . otherwise she’s got eyes for someone else, and that’s not good. I should stop this now. You decide to break up the weird situation by asking them if you can take their picture.
    “Dad,” John Luke calls out.
    Thankfully Korie doesn’t hear it, as she’s distracted by a friend who just came over.
    “Where’d you get the tux?” you ask him.
    “I rented it this afternoon. Thought it’d be fun to go to an old prom. Until now. ”
    John Luke mouths