Xtreme Manly Man Force of Intense Badassery: Book One: The Fountain of Testoserone by Kell Inkston Read Free Book Online Page A

ya' don't mind me
asking, can I come with you to do... whatever you're doing?” SISY
asks the three of them. UDGD looks over to IMRM, and IMRM looks
over to UDGD, and then to SISY.
    “Is there any particular reason why you
would like to come with us?” the tall, cloaked IMRM asks to the
slightly shorter than him, more muscular man. SISY chuckles as he
scratches his chin.
    “Well, to be super honest, I don't
really have anywhere t'go. You see, I'm sort of wanted by the
authorities here,” SISY confides with an embarrassed
smile.
    “Might I ask for what?” IMRM
questions.
    “Thanks, but I’d rather not say... it
wasn’t all that bad though, I promise.” SISY says. The bartender,
as if struck with realization, spits out his drink and promptly
looks away from the four to act as if he’s heard nothing. UDGD hums
with suspicion in a manly, grave tone; this guy looks like bad
news. “So, ya' see, I'm sorta' in a bind,” SISY admits with an
honest expression. UDGD looks at the other two in his group, and
looks back to SISY; all without turning his head.
    “One sec,” the Axeman says as he
motions Mr. Honkers and IMRM into a pow-wow lean. SISY
nods.
    UDGD looks at the other two, and the
other two at him.
    “We shouldn't take ‘em. I don't feel
like it's right to dishonor someone so manly, but I'm not allowing
you two to bring him along because what I-... what we're looking
for is too important. Got it?” UDGD says in a seriously oppressive
tone. Mr. Honkers scoffs.
    “Naw, we're bringing this dweeb. He
obviously appreciates my awesomeness, so I'm not leaving it up to
you, you nerd,” the short man says in a way that would be sorta
cool if his voice did not sound as pathetically stupid as it does.
UDGD scowls deeply, and looks over to IMRM.
    “I am personally indifferent in this
matter, but I am inclined to agree with Mr. Honkers. Terribly
sorry, Mr. Death,” IMRM says, as if Mr. Honker's opinion is more
like a law of nature than simply an opinion. UDGD sighs deeply,
knowing that he requires IMRM to lead him to the treasure, and as
such, requires Mr. Honkers, who IMRM is apparently some sort of
slave to. UDGD is beginning to seriously reconsider the manliness
levels of IMRM. Could it be that he's actually just a sissy that
can fight well, like Heart Tearer Outer? For now, UDGD decides to
tolerate this and go with the flow-- he can kill them all later if
he ever needs to.
    “Yeah, fine,” UDGD says with a deep,
serious scowl. Mr. Honkers grins, seeing his will being followed,
and IMRM nods amiably. Mr. Honkers takes the initiative to turn to
SISY and let him know the news.
    “You can come with us, noob; as long as
you'll be cool,” the short man says. SISY grins with a radiant
smile.
    “HAHA! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN'
'BOUT! ARE YOU GUYS READY TO GO?” SISY yells with a victorious
voice. IMRM nods and UDGD says nothing, but Mr. Honkers is still
opinionated.
    “Well, actually I still haven't gotten
my cereal,” he says as he hops back on his bar stool. “Hey!
Barkeep! Gimmie my cereal!” Mr. Honkers demands with an almost
1/10ths manly fist slam on the table. The orc, if Mr. Honkers were
alone, would seriously consider tearing the midget’s head off with
his teeth, but being under the gaze of the grim, face-painted
axeman, the blood-drenched, grinning swordsman, and the tall,
elegant mystery, he thinks such an action would not fly
well.
    “Eh, I'll make an exception,” the orc
says with a wide grin, the moment before he dashes into the store
room in an attempt to find some kind of food vaguely resembling
breakfast cereal.

CHAPTER EIGHT: PUNCHING OLD FRIENDS
IN THE FACE AND THEN PUNCHING NEW ONES IN THE FACE
    The four men, after Mr. Honkers got his
fill of a bowl of long-expired Black-White Luckies, exit the tavern
and head east; the direction that, according to IMRM, will lead
them to the treasure. On their way down the road, strewn with the
corpses of less-manly folks and silly weaklings wearing