600 Hours of Edward by Craig Lancaster Read Free Book Online

naked.
    She reaches down. Oh my goodness. This can’t possibly…
    – • –
    My eyes fly open. My breath is shallow and rapid. It’s 7:39 a.m. It is the twenty-third time this year that I have awoken at this time, although never before like this. I breathe deeply and purse my lips and expel the air in a single blast. I reach for my notebook and pen, flip to today’s page, and write down “7:39 a.m.,” and my data is complete.
    Also, my balls ache.
    – • –
    When I log on to Montana Personal Connect, I see something I haven’t seen before:
    Inbox (1).
    I had not anticipated this. I try not to anticipate things at all, as that is just supposition about what will happen, and supposition is not fact. I prefer facts. And yet I know that anticipation is also human, and so am I, no matter how much I try to resist it.
    I had not anticipated this. It seems silly to say, but I am not sure what to do.
    I had not anticipated this. I guess I should click the inbox link. Yes, that’s the thing to do.
    I had not anticipated this.
    Click
.
    Edward:
    I really liked your profile. So many people on here try to “sell” themselves. Its all so fake. But your profile is simple and to the point. I like that in a man.
    And your funny too. Anyway I hope you will check out my profile and maybe write back.
    Have a great day!
    Joy
    I am flabbergasted. (I like the word “flabbergasted.” It’s not quite an onomatopoeia, another word I like, but it’s close.)
    It’s not a perfect letter. Joy does not seem to know the difference between “you’re” and “your,” or how to use an apostropheor a comma, and she didn’t mention anything about tracking the weather.
    It’s also the first response my profile has received. Beggars can’t be choosers, as the saying goes. My father says that a lot, but I don’t think it’s a philosophy to him. He just doesn’t like poor people. It’s not a philosophy to me, either. I prefer facts.
    Joy’s profile picture is very pretty. It would be a stretch to say she’s beautiful. Beautiful is Angelina Jolie or Merry Anders, one of my favorite ensemble actors on
Dragnet.
Joy is not that. But she is very pretty.
    She has short blonde hair and blue eyes that are very bright. She smiles very well, and she has dimples. She looks very sturdy, too, which isn’t always considered a beautiful trait, but I like it.
    This is what her profile says:
    The guy I am looking for is secure and wants a woman who is secure too. Ive been there done that with guys who are controlling or insecure and never again. I am a simple girl with simple tastes. Take me out to a movie and dinner once in a while and its all good. I prefer H/W proportionate but its the spark that counts. If you can make me laugh its all good. If your in a relationship or living in your parents house don’t bother. If your rich that’s even better. Ha ha. I have 2 kids who live with there dad. I would like to have more kids.
    Joy is forty-one. If she wants to have more kids, she needs to hurry.
    Her grammar is atrocious. I am worried about this desire for more kids. It is a lot to think about right now, since I haven’t even met Joy. I can’t think about kids yet. It’s too much pressure. Also,she lives in Broadview, a small town that is thirty-one miles away. A lot of reasons not to respond are piling up. I am thinking about hitting delete on her note and waiting for another response. It could be a long wait, though.
    Dr. Buckley has encouraged me to challenge my tendency to not want to talk to or meet people. I wonder what she would think of this.
    She might tell me that Joy was very nice to have responded to my profile and that I ought to be equally nice in return.
    She would probably tell me to be more forgiving about the atrocious grammar.
    Maybe I should write back.
    Maybe I should paint the garage first and figure out what I want to say.
    – • –
    After eating a bowl of corn flakes and recording yesterday’s weather data—high of