Attack of the Mutant Underwear by Tom Birdseye Read Free Book Online

she, and Tyler. Kylie from Mrs. Larsen’s class had won.
    â€œOh, well,” Amy said with a laugh, “that’s life!”
    I laughed, too—which actually helped a lot—and ended up eating every one of those cookies—which helped a lot more. “Think of them as flu medicine,” Amy said with a wink, and put her hand on my arm for just a second. When she lifted it back up, I could still feel the warmth on my skin. Made my head tingle. In an okay way. I guess.
    Thursday, November 9
    Going back to school today was hard. Even though Amy said not to worry, I couldn’t help it. I kept imagining kids pointing and shouting, “Haw! Haw! It’s Chicken-Cody-Runs-Away! Haw! Haw!”
    But get this: the weird thing is that not one person teased me—not even Zach!—or even mentioned what had happened. (Except for Emerson, who fell all over himself apologizing for spilling the water.)
    Now don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I wanted to be embarrassed in front of everyone. I’ve had enough of that Old Me kind of stuff to last a lifetime. Still, kids will be kids, you know. All that politeness seemed downright unnatural!
    You may have heard the expression “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” Which is another way of saying, If something good comes your way, don’t be picky—grab it! Well, I don’t know for sure who led the gift horse my way, but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion her name might begin with A-m-y.
    Friday, November 10
    Still no teasing from anybody at school about election day. I guess it really is water under the bridge. Whew! Things are looking good.
    Better than good, actually. I was playing basketball at lunch recess, and the game was tied. Just as the bell started to ring for us to go in, I tossed up a shot—I mean just threw it, hardly looking—and it went in! Swished! All the guys on my team started whooping and shouting. Tyler came up and gave me a high five and said, “All right! Nice shot!”
    Saturday, November 11
    Jordy was over again to play with MC. They rode down the stairs in a cardboard box, yelling, “Bump! Bump! Bump!” until Dad made them stop. So they stood on their heads until their ears turned red.
    Jordy told me about his cousin Rainy, who is eight years old. Rainy bugged his sister so much she slugged him, but then she got into trouble and had to take out the garbage for a month.
    Hmm. Not a bad idea, when you think about it. It would be worth getting slugged ten times by MC if for punishment she had to clean out the litter box for a month!
    Later, Saturday, November 11
    Started bugging MC to see if she’d hit me. So far, no luck.
    Monday, November 13
    New spelling list at school today. One of the words is poinsettia. Which is the kind of potted flower you see a lot of around Christmastime. Turns out we’re going to sell them to make money for our Incredible-Fantastic-End-of-the-Year Camp-Out.
    Ms. B says there’s a good “profit margin” on poinsettias, which I think means we make lots of bucks off each one we sell.
    Amy wanted to know if she had to sell Christmas flowers since she’s Jewish. Ms. B said she’d already thought about that. One of the other spelling words this week is Hanukkah. Which, according to Amy and Ms. B, is the Jewish festival of lights. We’re going to be selling Hanukkah candles, too!
    Wednesday, November 15
    Really thought I had MC. I was in the family room bugging her about listening to Elvis Presley, when she hissed at me, “Shut up!” I said, “Make me.” She started walking toward me with that look in her eye and I figured, This is it! She’s going to slug me, and I’ll fall on the floor screaming, and she’ll get into so much trouble she’ll have to do the litter box for TWO months! I stuck out my tongue at her and said, “Elvis sucks!” just to make sure she was mad enough to do the