Finding Zach by Rowan Speedwell Read Free Book Online

chignon; she batted at them absently, tucking one strand behind her ear. She was so beautiful, Zach thought, his heart aching, and so sad. Even when she smiled, she never lost that little bit of sadness in the back of her eyes. He wanted to fix it, but didn’t know how.
    He didn’t move, or speak, but suddenly she knew he was there in the sunroom, and turned, a smile on her face. This was her first smile of the day, the one that reached her eyes and made them shine; the one that said that for a moment she’d forgotten to be sad, forgotten what he was, forgotten everything except here was her beloved son, and she was glad to see him. He smiled back, kept the smile when hers faded to just lips, that ache back in her eyes. “Morning, sweetheart,” she said cheerfully.
    He nodded.
    “Did you want some coffee? I think there’s still some in the carafe.”
    He shook his head. “No, thank you,” he said carefully.
    “Did you eat breakfast?”
    He nodded again.
    “Annie’s calling in a grocery order today; did you need anything?”
    He thought a moment, then said, “Milk.”
    “Okay, I’ll have her order some for you. Anything else?”
    “No, thank you.”
    They gazed at each other across an unbridgeable gulf, then Zach heard the door open behind him and turned in relief. His father and the therapist came in together. Zach waited and saw the same smile curl his father’s lips, brighten his eyes a moment. “Hey, Zach, morning.”
    Zach nodded at him in response. “Good morning, Dr. Barrett,” he said politely to the therapist.
    “Good morning, Zach.”
    Jane came into the sunroom at Zach’s back, saving him from having to say anything about her whereabouts. “I’m here,” she said gaily, and Zach flinched. She used to talk that way all the time, and he had loved it; now, it was so patently artificial it scraped his nerves. “Shall we get started?”
    They sat in their usual spots: his parents on the wicker loveseat, the therapist in one armchair, Zach in the other. Zach folded his hands in his lap and waited.
    After a moment of silence, Jane said, “There’s something we need to tell Zach.”
    Zach’s head came up and he stared at them expressionlessly. Inside, his guts had gone tense. She looked so solemn, so worried; he ran over in his head everything he’d done since yesterday, everything that could have possibly pushed them over the edge, made it too difficult to keep him. Were they going to send him away, maybe back to the nursing home; or worse—was he on the verge of getting committed? That’s what they did with wackos, locked them up so they couldn’t hurt anyone else…. A fine sheen of sweat beaded on his upper lip. He didn’t think he could tolerate being locked up again….
    “It’s about… it’s about David.”
    Zach went blank. Then fear roared through him and he grabbed the arms of his chair to steady himself. “What about him?” he asked, his voice shaking. Was he hurt—was he dead ?
    “He’s home,” Jane went on, and Zach realized he hadn’t said the last few thoughts out loud. “Annie told me yesterday he’s staying a few days here—well, at the gatehouse—until he gets an apartment. Apparently he’s got a job teaching art at Wesley Community College. But she says he’ll stay away. Zach won’t have to see him—he’ll stay away from us.” She gave Zach a bright, fake smile; she’d seen the fear on his face. “So there’s nothing to worry about, honey.”
    Of course he’d stay away. Just as he’d stayed away for the past two years. He had no reason to want to see Zach. Not if he figured Zach would freak out like the madman he was, just like he had when he’d been in the hospital, still thinking he was dreaming.
    Sometimes he still thought he was dreaming.
    “How do you feel about David being so close, Zach?” Dr. Barrett’s voice was calm and soothing.
    He shrugged.
    “Does it frighten you to know he’s here?”
    Zach thought a moment. “No,” he said.