In Your Dreams by Tom Holt, Tom Holt Read Free Book Online Page B

how’s your family?’ he asked.
    â€˜Fine,’ Melze replied, with a trace of a sigh, ‘just as normal and boring as ever. Dad’s been made sales manager for the whole of the South-East, which is nice. Mum’s still making soft toys for the Red Cross. What about your lot?’
    Paul grinned feebly. ‘My parents emigrated to Florida last year,’ he said. ‘Sold the house, all the furniture and stuff. I get a phone call once or twice a month – three in the morning usually, because of the time difference – and Mum tells me all about how she doesn’t like the people next door, because their dog digs up the flower beds. Haven’t told them about JWW. No point, they’d just think I was trying to be funny.’
    Melze clicked her tongue sympathetically. ‘They always were a bit – well, self-centred.’
    â€˜As a gyroscope,’ Paul replied. ‘I always liked your parents better than mine. At least, yours always seemed pleased to see me.’
    Melze shrugged. ‘And what about your uncle, the one who was always away travelling in exotic places?’
    Paul had to think for a moment. ‘Uncle Ernie? Haven’t heard from him in years. I assume he’s still alive, or someone’d have told me, but we lost touch ages ago.’
    â€˜It’s a pity when that happens,’ Melze said. ‘I mean, there’s times when it’s a bit claustrophobic, having a close family like ours, but at least we stay in touch.’
    They chatted about families for a while, until he’d quite forgotten who he was talking to; and then, quite unexpectedly, it was five to two, and there was only just enough time left to get back to the office.
    He left her at the front desk and wandered back to his room, thinking, All this and dragons, too. Dragons, on the other hand, were probably something you could learn how to cope with, given time and patient tuition.
    After all that, it was hardly surprising that Paul found it extremely difficult to get his head around the office procedures manual that afternoon. At the best of times, he’d have had problems coming to terms with stuff like—
    For a fully grown urban dragon (draco vulgaris Robinsonii) in a built-up area, the Pest Control (Residential & Commercial Districts) Regulations 1964 Schedule 2, paragraph 2(i)(b) mandates the use of a tungsten or depleted-uranium projectile of at least 0.577? diameter not exceeding 800 grains avoirdupois in weight with a muzzle energy of not less than 3,000 ft/lbs. Exploding projectiles are forbidden under the 1964 Regulations except where their use has been expressly authorised in advance by the proper officer of the appropriate area directorate; authorisation will only be granted where at least two of the following criteria obtain—
    â€”and with all the other stuff on his mind, the book might as well have been written in Sanskrit for all the sense he could make of it. At least the boredom was reassuring; it was hard to be freaked out by anything so excruciatingly dull. A few things stuck in his mind: for instance, under the Wildlife & Countryside Act 1979 as modified by the Supplementary Regulations Order 1981, it was illegal to kill a vampire by driving a wooden stake through its heart between February 1st and November 22nd unless you held a valid extermination licence issued by the Ministry of Agriculture, and a qualified veterinary surgeon had to be present to ensure that all procedures were carried out humanely and without causing undue suffering to the vampire. On the other hand, the owner or tenant of farmland was entitled to snare unicorns by means of virgins or other approved devices, providing that he could prove that they’d caused damage to growing crops or standing timber.
    Half-past five was running late that day. When the clock on the opposite wall eventually condescended to get there, Paul slammed the book shut – he’d have to finish