Little Fish by Kari Ware Read Free Book Online Page A

of jeans and a white button down, and when he turned to see me standing by the door his face changed from thoroughly satisfied to completely mortified. "Win, h-hey," he sputtered nervously, and I felt my heart thud in my chest sorely. I was trying so hard not to lose my nerve, remembering everything Dan had told me on the phone earlier. This wasn't a secret I could avoid or act like I didn't know about. We had to discuss it.
    "Hey... wanna go for a walk? Go sit on the beach, maybe?" It was probably the most awkward I had ever felt talking to Calder. Before it was so easy, because he was my brother. But now, it was something different. I couldn't see him as my brother anymore, or any type of family. I had to level the playing field. He motioned with his hand for me to lead the way, so I began walking down the sidewalk where I knew the quickest back alley route to the beach two blocks over. Calder was quick to catch up to me, and I could feel him gazing at me and burning holes into my flesh with his eyes.
    "I'm sorry, Win." His voice was quiet again. "I shouldn't have done what I did. You deserved better than what me and that scumbag did to you." I didn't like when he spoke like this, sounding like a completely different person. I exhaled through my nose, trying to regain my nerve now that he had opened the conversation.
    "I called your dad this morning," I let the words carefully slide from my tongue, glancing over at Calder from the corners of my eyes. I was afraid mentioning Dan would cause him to shut down and stop talking to me, considering the fact that he'd pointedly avoided asking about him after asking me about the divorce. He looked even tempered enough, so I continued as we crossed the empty street and our feet sunk into the sand a few yards away from the ocean swell: "He told me about why you really left. And now knowing all of this, I really wish you had just talked to me back when we were still in high school."
    He laughed dismally despite himself, the air growing only slightly chillier around us as we neared the water's edge. The salty smell was welcome; giving me a comfort that somewhat reminded me of home. I watched him drop into the sand, planting himself on his ass and shoving his hands in his pockets, knees bent. I, a few steps ahead, stopped and turned around. "Win, you were my sister. My fucking little sister, as I kept being reminded. And I know you well enough to know you would've freaked out if I ever even tried to talk to you like that. My dad would've probably kicked me out after that anyways."
    "You're the one that left, Calder. You act like everyone abandons you when really you just run away from everything." The words came out before I could control myself, and I felt myself plop down in the sand with my legs sprawled out before me. I slid my flats off before the sand could get trapped inside beneath my feet.
    "I'm not running now, am I?" He looked at me meaningfully, like he wanted me to realize how important this really was to him. How important I really was to him. I sighed again. As long overdue as this conversation was, it wasn't one I particularly wanted to be having. I felt like this was going to be a therapy session, what with all the issues I suddenly realized plagued Calder. His secret feelings for me, his inability to realize when people just wanted the best for him, how he clearly wasn't over his mother's death. I almost felt guilty that this was the one thing he could deal with.
    "Not yet. But I think you and your dad need to-"
    "I don't want to talk to him. I've been fine without him this whole time, and I damn well don't need him for anything," His voice hardened defensively and his jaw tightened, my lips pulled tightly together to resist from speaking again and making him angry. It pissed me off that he would just interrupt me when I was trying so hard to just get through the conversation, but he looked at me with that expression that reminded me so much of his father and I felt my