Little Fish by Kari Ware Read Free Book Online

went through a phase where I thought he resented me for remarrying. I told him it didn't mean that I never loved his mother, and that I didn't expect him to think of you as a sister or Pauline as his mother."
    "I know, I remember hearing you guys fight about it. A lot." I quietly interjected, flashing back to the days when I would sit with my ear pressed against my bedroom door and listen to Calder and Dan argue. It wasn't as if it had been a daily thing, but it had certainly been a weekly thing. Calder had always treated me like a little sister, though: He picked on me enough, where I would run errands for him and find him girls to try to hook up with. Obviously I'd never had another sibling before, so that seemed normal enough to me.
    "I thought the problem was that he didn't accept you two as part of our family. But, one night I was going through Calder's drawers because I'd found a roach in the toilet bowl before he went out with some of his friends. In his nightstand he had some porn magazines, which was normal, but then I found that he had some pictures of you in there from the summer before, when you and your mom went to your Aunt Sarah's beach party."
    I vaguely remembered that day, hanging out with my mom's small family (the ones she talked to at least) and playing beach volleyball with my cousins. I had gotten a new sparkly pink bikini to go with my hair; back when I had first started dyeing it the burgundy shade I kept it still. A chill went up my spine thinking about Dan finding pictures of me in what was obvious a drawer meant for nasty things I didn't want to think about, but suddenly the cloudy haze in my brain was making more sense.
    "I confronted him about it, obviously, and he told me that it was my fault he couldn't be happy. It was my fault he couldn't have a shot with the girl he'd grown to fall for, and that if I ever cared about him I'd leave your mother and give him a chance to try and be with you," he sighed remorsefully," I told him he was too much of a fuck up, told him it was wrong to think of you that way. I could've handled it better, I wish I had. That was the night he left."
    A dry lump grew uncomfortably in my throat. I wish I had known about these things before, but I could see why Dan never told me. All it would have done was make Calder hated him, wreck any chance of them reconciling. I felt pity for my ex step brother, in honesty; We had all loved him, me and his father both, but he was too wrapped up in his own mind to realize it. That was just Calder though, always wrapped up in himself. He did whatever he wanted with no concern for anyone else, and if things didn't go the way he planned or he didn't get what he wanted, he completely forgot about it, ran away. Like I was trying to do with the Alex situation. The light went off in my brain.
    "I'm gonna go see him tonight and talk to him. If you want, I'll tell him to call you
    ," I offered, sitting up and running my finger through my knotted ponytail. Upon this revelation I suddenly felt revitalized, like a burst of energy coursing through me. I wasn't going to hide from my problems or run away from them. There was fixing to be done.
    "Good luck, Winnie. Love you, sweetheart."

IX.
    I couldn't make myself go inside that damned strip club. I had this horrible thought in the back of my head that if I went in there, Calder would see me and assume that I wanted to see him get naked and I didn't need any more awkwardness. I waited outside once I knew they were closing, hoping to catch him on the way out and not have to run into Freddy Danvers or any of the other guys either. The streetlight above me made the glitter on my pink flats shimmer in the darkness as I shifted my weight from foot to foot, my hand tucked in my pink hoodie pockets as I nearly snapped my neck turning to look whenever I heard a sound near the door.
    He walked out; sweat still beading his forehead but his hair was finally slicked back out of his face. He wore a simple pair