Love in the Time of Climate Change by Brian Adams Read Free Book Online

it?”
    â€œTreasures and Trash,” one of my students called out.
    â€œCorrect,” Mr. Condom replied. “Treasures and Trash. Perhaps more of the latter than the former but I was not disappointed. Oh no. Far from it! For this, this is what I found.”
    He paused for dramatic effect, holding the lamp aloft.
    I saw one of my students nudge another and exchange a WTF-type of glance.
    â€œI paid for it and then sat in my car, nibbling on a biscuit, wondering why I had done such an impulsive thing. It is not like me. I don’t go out and buy brass lamps on a whim! Even a very cheap one such as this!”
    There was that word again.
Whim
. And nibbling on a
biscuit
. I made a mental note to see if I could audit a British as a second language class next semester.
    â€œFor some unknown reason I took the lamp off the dashboard where I had been staring at it, put my biscuit in the cup holder, and rubbed the lamp three times with my left hand. Just like this.” He rubbed the lamp with a slow, counterclockwise motion.
    The students were transfixed. They didn’t have a clue where the hell this was going.
    â€œSuddenly,
POOF!
” As he yelled the word
poof
, he threw the lamp up in the air, and then caught it.
    â€œDo you know what happened then?” he asked.
    It was like story time in the kids’ section of the public library. My students were wide-eyed, some with mouths agape. They were hanging onto his every word. It was a rare day when I got anywhere close to receiving this degree of rapt attention.
    â€œAt that very moment, just as I finished the last rub, a beautiful genie sprang from the lamp. A genie! She was dressed in a flowing Indian sari of silk and satin comprised of iridescent pink and purple hues. Shapely and buxom with jet black hair and deep-brown skin. Rings on her fingers and bells on her toes. A genie!”
    You could have heard a pin drop.
    â€œâ€˜Praise be to you, master,’ the genie cried. ‘You have freed me! I have been trapped in this lantern forever. Praise be to you!’” He bent his knees and lowered his head, bowing down as the genie had done in his story.
    â€œWell,” continued Mr. Condom. “You can imagine that I was quite surprised. It is not every day a genie appears out of a brass lantern.
    â€œâ€˜Master!’ says the genie. ‘In appreciation for my freedom I shall grant you one wish!’
    â€œâ€˜One wish?’ I exclaimed. ‘What a rip off! I thought I got three!’”
    The students laughed.
    â€œThe genie shook her head. ‘One wish, and one wish only. And no, it can’t be for a hundred other wishes or for a billion dollars. It has to be for something politically correct. I am, after all, that kind of genie!’
    â€œWhoa. Was I lucky or what? Talk about being in the right place at the right time. But one wish. Only one. What was I to wish for? The genie asked for a bite of my biscuit, and I was happy to oblige. Evidently one gets quite hungry trapped in a lantern for eternity. While it happily munched away, I thought and thought.
    â€œOne wish. How about, a reversal of climate change? No more melting glaciers, rising sea levels, terrible droughts!” He turned with a flair toward me.
    I gave him two thumbs up.
    â€œBut wait?” he went on. “How about putting an end to species extinction? Why stop at saving the polar bears? Icould keep all of God’s creatures alive!” He did a little jig and flapped his arms. A few students applauded.
    â€œBut then again there’s that whole issue of crushing, oppressive poverty. I must think of my brothers and sisters back home in India. So much pain, so much misery. With my one wish I could end it forever!
    â€œWell, by this time the genie had finished my biscuit and was clearly getting bored with my deliberations.
    â€œâ€˜Look’ she said, glancing at her watch. ‘Time’s a-wastin’. I’d