My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding by Katya Starkey Read Free Book Online Page A

letters.
    “We’re going on your surprise hen do tonight!” Lara exclaims like the exclamation mark I left out of my t-shirt reading.
    I throw the t-shirt back to her. “You know I said I didn’t want a hen do, Lolz. Besides, I’m not getting married tomorrow like that shirt says, our wedding is weeks away.”
    She tosses the pink T right back to me. “You’re going to have a hen do if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.”
    “Oh that’s kind!” Scraping the t-shirt off my face unmuffles the sound of my voice. “I told you I don’t want to ruin my pre-wedding diet.”
    Lara stares at me unkindly. “I’ll buy you a Bud Light,” she says, then storms out of the kitchen. “You can drink diet beer all night, Em! It will be fine!”
    Shaking my head incredulously I look down at the t-shirt in my hands. I can see the white label on the inside neckline. “Oh you’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumble aloud. “Size small?”
    Lara has done this on purpose. She totally wants me to wear a t-shirt that’s going to make my boobs stick out like rockets.
     
    ***

    “I look ridiculous,” I tell Callum while standing in front of our body length bedroom mirror.
    “You look amazing.” He pretends to drool out the side of his mouth while I stare at his reflection. Suddenly, he grabs my boobs. “This shirt is incredible. Give Lara my thanks.”
    I snort a reply. “It’s too tight!”
    “Just the way I like it.” Callum continues to leer at me and soon enough he starts squeezing my breasts. “Although, I think you’re right. This t-shirt is much too tight for public wear. Only I’m allowed to stare at your tits.”
    “You’re so romantic.” Pulling away from his rubbing grasp I take a short sleeve pink cardigan out of the closet. It’s just a thin number that goes well with my dark jeans, so I won’t get too warm wherever it is I’m going tonight. Apparently the location of my hesitant hen do is yet another surprise organised and kept tight-lipped by Lara.
    When I look in the mirror again I notice the cardigan doesn’t cover my rocket boobs at all. See, the thing is, I’ve been losing weight, but for some weird reason my bra size has increased. I figure the reason for this might be that now my stomach has shrunk, my breasts have room to grow. This is something I’m not at all best pleased about.
    “I really need to book another bra fitting at M&S soon.” I scowl into the mirror and Callum grabs me again.
    Nuzzling my neck, he mumbles to me between kisses. “I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t we both go into an Ann Summers dressing room and I’ll get you properly fitted.”
    “Oh you silly man!” Swatting him away playfully, I duck into the bathroom. “That’s a sex toy shop. The only bras I’ll get in there are pushups!”
    “Exactly my point!” Callum shouts as I shut the door in his face with a laugh. Little does he know that I’m fully expecting plenty of Ann Summers gifts tonight from my hen do partner in crime.
    If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about bachelorette parties, it’s Lara. After all, she is a bridal gown seamstress.
     
    ***

    “This taxi journey seems rather long, Lolz.” We are both sat in a black cab and by the looks of things out the window, I’d say we’re not off to the nearby Whetherspoons pub. “I thought you meant we were just going to Spoons tonight.”
    “You thought wrong, my dear.” There’s a naughty twinkle in Lara’s eye.
    When the taxi pulls up to the curb outside Bushwackers night club in Worcester, I shake my head in consternation. “I didn’t even want a hen do and now you’ve gone all out on a night club evening?”
    “Just you wait and see, girlfriend!” Lara snaps her fingers and arcs her arm through the air like that flamboyant gay guy off the eighties film Mannequin. A movie her and I have watched many a time after particularly painful breakups and such.
    She pays the driver and together we hop out of the cab. Arm in