Our Gang by Philip Roth Read Free Book Online

suppose.
    TRICKY: No, I'm afraid they wouldn't, Reverend. I
    have thought this matter through and I have made
    my decision: this administration will not bus
    children from Washington, D.C., all the way to the
    state of Arizona to poison them. That is a matter in
    whieh the federal government simply. will not
    intervene. This is a free country, and certainly one
    of your fundamental freedoms here is choosing the
    place where you want your child to be killed.
    SPIRITUAL COACH: And there's simply no way
    you can poison them right here?
    MILITARY COACH: Much too dangerous, Rever
    end. Start out gassing these kids, and next thing,
    you get a wind or something, and you have
    poisoned some perfectly innocent adult miles away.
    LEGAL COACH: Of course, you're going to get
    some guilty adults too, you know, if you let it
    spread far enough.
    SPIRITUAL COACH: Gentlemen, please! I stand
    utterly opposed to any course of action wherein
    the welfare of 'a single innocent adult is even
    remotely threatened. I don't care how many guilty
    adults you get in the process.
    MILITARY COACH: All right with me, Reverend.
    I'd rather shoot 'em anyway. I have always
    maintained that it gives the individual soldier a
    stronger sense of participation and accomplishment
    to pull the trigger and see the results with
    his own eyes.
    SPIRITUAL COACH (to Legal Coach): And you?
    LEGAL COACH: Fine with me. So long as we all
    realize beforehand that there is going to be this
    blood, and sure as we are sitting here, the media
    are going to exploit it to the hilt. I don't have any
    doubt whatsoever, given the kind of people who
    pull the strings in the press and TV, that they are
    going to blow this whole thing out of proportion,
    and, for instance, are not going to have a word to
    say about the restraint that's been displayed by
    our not using poison gas, or bussing. I mean, we
    could subject these kids to what is virtually a
    cross-country bus trip, a long hot grueling drive
    out to Arizona, without food,
    TRICKY HAS ANOTHER CRISIS 49
    water, toilet facilities and so on, prior to killing
    them, and yet, as we all know, with the exception
    of the Reverend here, not a single member of the
    administration has spoken in support of such a
    proposal. But will you hear about that on TV? I
    think not.
    TRICKY: Oh, no. They never tell that side of the
    story. It's not sensational enough for them, not
    enough gore. Not enough violence to suit their
    taste. No, it's never what we didn't do, it's always
    what we've done. That, unfortunately, is what these
    people consider newsworthy. LEGAL COACH: Luckily,
    Mr. President, the people of this country are still by
    and large passive and indifferent enough not to get
    all stirred up by this kind of irresponsible
    sensationalism on the part of the media.
    TRICKY: Oh, don't get me wrong, I've-never lost my
    faith in the wonderful indifference of the
    American people. Just because they happen to see
    a little Boy Scout blood on TV ... Boy Scout blood
    on TV? (His lip is suddenly drenched with
    perspiration) They'll impeach me! They'll-1
    LEGAL COACH: Nothing of the sort, Mr. Pres
    ident, nothing of the sort. It's only another crisis,
    you have nothing to worry about. Come on nowcool,
    confident and decisive. Come on, repeat it
    after me, you know how to behave in a crisis: cool,
    confident and decisive.
    50 OUR GANG
    TRICKY: Cool, confident and decisive. Cool,
    confident confident and decisive. Cool, confident
    and decisive. Cool, confident and decisive. LEGAL
    COACH: Feel better now? Crisis over? TRICKY: I
    think so, yes.
    LEGAL COACH: You see, you mustn't be frightened
    of Boy Scouts, Mr. President. Of course they're
    going to bleed a little and there may even be this
    hue and cry about it on TV, but when the country
    sees this sign that one of them was carrying before
    the bleeding began (extracts from his briefcase a
    sign reading DIXON FAVORS EFFING- The
    Reverend gasps), I think our worries are going to
    be over. Let the