Rodrick Rules by Jeff Kinney Read Free Book Online Page A

realized Heather wasn't there, I turned around to go back home. But Rowley

    asked me if I wanted to hang out and play Magick and Monsters with him and
    Leland.
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    The only reason I said "yes" was because I thought it was some kind of video
    game. But then I found out that you play it with pencils and paper and these special
    dice, and that you're supposed to use your "imagination" or whatever.
    It actually turned out to be pretty fun, mostly because in Magick and Monsters you
    can do all sorts of stuff you could never do in real life.
    [Image: A cartoon of a man and two children playing a game.] "I light Rowley's
    eyebrows with a torch. OUUUCHHH..."
    When I got home, I told Mom all about Magick and Monsters and how Leland was
    a really awesome Dungeon Keeper. Rodrick overheard me talking about Leland,
    and he said that Leland is the biggest nerd at his high school.
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    But this is coming from a guy who spends his Saturday nights putting fake
    throw-up on people's cars in the Home Depot parking lot. So I think I'll just take
    Rodrick's opinion with a grain of salt.
    [Image: A cartoon of a man looking at his dirty car and two men peeping from
    behind the bundle of hay.] "What the heck?
    Har har har!"

    Wednesday
    I've been going up to Leland's house every day after school to play Magick and
    Monsters. I was headed up there again today when Mom stopped me at the door.
    Mom has been acting real suspicious of this whole Magick and Monsters thing.
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    And from the questions she's been asking me, I guess she must think Leland is
    teaching me and Rowley witchcraft or something. So today, Mom said she wanted
    to go WITH me to Leland's to watch us play.
    I BEGGED Mom not to come, because first of all I knew she would never approve
    of all the violence in the game.
    [Image: A cartoon of a man telling about a treasure chest, throwing arrows at the
    wizard and a dacoit, to the two boys.]
    And second of all, I knew that having her in the room would totally ruin the whole
    experience for everyone.
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    When I begged Mom not to join us, it made her even MORE suspicious. So now
    there was no changing her mind.
    Rowley and Leland couldn't have cared less that Mom came with me. But I
    couldn't enjoy myself, because I felt like a total dork playing in front of her.
    [Image: A cartoon of parents looking at the game which the two children were

    playing.] "Uh...My wizard talroc utters the spell of talrune."
    I figured Mom would eventually get bored and just go home, but she stuck around.
    And right when I thought she was finally gonna leave, Mom said that SHE wanted
    to join in the game.
    So Leland started setting up a character for Mom, even though I was trying to
    signal to him that it was a big mistake.
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    When Leland created a character for Mom, Mom told Leland she wanted HER
    character to be MY character's mother in the game.
    I did some quick thinking and told Mom that all the characters in Magick and
    Monsters are orphans, so she couldn't be my mother.
    And Mom believed me. But then she asked Leland if she could NAME her
    character "Mom," and he said "yes."
    I have to give Mom credit for figuring out that loophole, but it totally ruined the
    rest of the game for me.
    [Image: A cartoon of the children talking to their parents about the game.] "I hand
    a turkey leg to..." mom.
    Thank you, Sweetie!"
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    Even though Mom wasn't technically my mother in the game, she sure ACTED

    like she was.
    At this one point, our characters were hanging out in a tavern waiting for a spy to
    arrive, and my dwarf, Grimlon, ordered a pint of mead. Mead is sort of like beer in
    Magick and Monsters, and I guess Mom didn't approve of THAT.
    [Image: A cartoon, the mother is making up a story in the game.] "Mom
    accidentally bumps Grimlon's arm and spills his drink."
    The worst part of the game was when we got into a battle situation. See, the whole
    point of Magick and Monsters is that you're supposed to kill as many monsters as
    possible so you can get