Romantic Jealousy: Causes, Symptoms, Cures by Ayala Malach Pines Read Free Book Online

by lay people as well as by therapists either in the context of individual therapy or of a jealousy workshop.
    It is important to note that the experience of jealousy reported by people who described themselves both as "jealous" and as "not jealous" was similar; the only difference was in intensity. Those who described themselves as "a jealous person" reported experiencing feelings of pain, grief, inferiority, aggression, and resentment "intensely," whereas those who described themselves as "not jealous" reported experiencing them "moderately." In all other cases the differences between the two groups were even smaller. This seems to suggest that despite its complexity, jealousy has some universal and identifiable features.3
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    Situations That Trigger Jealousy
     
     
    The intensity of people's experience of jealousy, not surprisingly, is related to the circumstances in which it is aroused. The following situations were presented to subjects in my studies. All of them are real situations that happened to real people. Other researchers also found that situational threats predict jealous responses through their effect on the appraisal of threat (e.g. Melamed, 1991; Radecki-Bush et al., 1993).
    How much jealousy would you experience when (no jealousy? n►od- erate jealousy? ex[ren►e jealousy?):
    ■ during a party, your mate is flirtatious and spends a great deal of time dancing intimately and behaving provocatively with someone else?
    ■ your mate spends a great deal of time during a party dancing with someone else?
    ■ your mate spends a great deal of time during a party talking to someone else?
    ■ you are at a party and your mate disappears for a long period of time?
    ■ you are at a party, and for a brief time you realize you don't know where voce- male is?
    ■ your phone rings and the caller either says, "Sorry, wrong number," or simply hangs up?
    ■ you call your mate and the line is busy?
    Most of the people who answered this question thought they would be most jealous in the first situation-when their mate is behaving provocatively. They thought they would not feel jealous in the last three situations-when the phone is busy, someone hangs up on you, or you don't know where your mate is during a party. If even these last situations cause a jealous response, the person is probably "abnormally" jealous. This can be a temporary condition caused by the recent discovery of'an affair or a more permanent condition. If the first situation doesn't cause jealousy, the person is probably "abnormally" nonjealous.
    The majority of people who answered the question felt jealous even in situations Icss extreme than having their mate dance inti mately with someone else; for many, such behavior is a good enough reason to get out of the relationship, not just the party. Seeing one's mate spend a lot of time during a party dancing with someone else (even if it is "only because s/he is a great dancer") is enough to make most people jealous. The same goes for seeing one's mate spend a great deal of time during a party talking to someone else (even when it is "only because he or she is working in the same company and it's good politics"). People who find themselves in such situations, and their mate "can't understand" why they are making such a big fuss over an "innocent" dance or conversation, can comfort themselves (and enlighten their mate) with the knowledge that most people would have responded the same way. In other words, contrary to what their mate may think or say, they are not "abnormally" jealous.
    Here arc some other common jealousy triggers. Would you (or do you) experience jealousy when your mate:
    ■ has a lover?
    ■ has an intimate friend who is single and available?
    ■ has an intimate friend?
    ■ is associating with single available people?
    ■ expresses appreciation/interest in a casual ac    ■ expresses appreciation of an attractive stranger passing